An Evening with the Ledeens, Episode One

(Last year, I tried to start a regular feature, but it tanked - and I'm going to pretend it wasn't because of the writing ... with him in the blogosphere again, I thought I'd bring it back and see if it matters)

And now, the RHTV is proud to present, another peek into the lives of America's favorite Neo-Con family, an Evening with the Ledeens:

EPISODE ONE: The Phantom Menace

Michael: Hey, Simone have you seen my car keys?

Simone: Sorry, pop, I took them out last night when I made a beer run. Hope you don't mind but I put 173 cases of Pabst on your credit card.

Micheal: 173! But how come I only saw two cases in the garage.

Simone: I lost the other 171, in fact, I think I left them in the parking lot and forgot to put them in the van.

Michael: You forgot to put them into my customized "Ayotollah Assaholamobile"?

Simone: Well, there were pretty lights and stuff.

Michael: But what about my car keys?

Simone: I'm sure I put them there on the coffee table. At least, I think I did. I may have dropped them down the gutter drain in the street, but I cannot be sure.

Michael: You think you left them on the coffee table? They are not there now. And I'm running late for this morning's "Brunch with the Bahai's for Bombing!", I got to go!

Simone: Sorry pop. But I'm relatively sure they did not fall down the gutter. No, I'd say there's a reasonably certain chance I put them on the coffee table.

Michael: Well, as long as you are reasonably sure. You know what I think happened?

Simone: No, pop, I'm sure whatever it is, it will be a theory completely supported by facts and will lead to the only possible logical explanation.


Michael: You are absolutely so my daughter, I don't care what your mother says.

Simone: Thanks dad.

Michael: No, what happened to those keys is this: While we slept operatives from Iran's terrorist president, Mahmoud Ahmadi-Nezhad, the defense minister, Mostafa Mohammad-Najjar, and the heads of the Basij and Revolutionary Guards — the bloodiest arms of the regime, broke into our home. I am sure that they were intent to attack us, but our Massoud-trained toy poodle, "Netanyahu" scared them off scared them off before they could do us bodily harm.

Simone: Wow, dad, what a good puppy!

Michael: Yes, following in the footsteps of his canine forebears who, as you recall won the Yom Kippur War with nothing more than slobbery chew toys. But before they left, they were able to damage me in a most severe way. They took our keys to "Ayatollah Assaholamobile".

Simone: Wow, dad, that is so logical. And in their maliciousness, they did not even take the van. Oh, damn and that's what happened to the beer, not what I said earlier.

Michael: Absolutely dear. You are now learning your lessons from the master.