Your Cable News Network Summary

FOXNEWS: Your GOP Talking Point & thensome network.

8 p.m. Eastern: The O'Reilly Factor: Bill interviews Michael Ledeen about what some emailer in Jerusalem
sent him about what is going on in Iranistan. Why the Democrats won't let the President win the war on terror through nuclear weapons, which every christian patriot knows Jesus loves more than the after-life itself.

9 p.m. Eastern: Hannity & Colmes: Hannity interviews Rich Lowry about how we are sure to win in Baghdad this time, gahrrrr-oooooohn-teeeeeeed.

10 p.m. Eastern: Greta: Greta interviews a psychic for Andrea Yates' childrens reaction to their mothers not guilty by reason of insanity defense, and Fox Judge Anthony Napolitano tells Fox viewers how they can use the insanity defense for their advantage in the future.

MSNBC: Your Ann Coulter enabling network.

7 p.m. Eastern: Hardball: Ann Coulter gives her wacky, off the wall statements on the events of the day.

8 p.m. Eastern: Countdown with Keith Olbermann: Taking on Ann Coulter's vile statements as they come.

9 p.m. Eastern: Scarborough Country: Guest host Rita Crosby and Ann Coulter talk about their days working as Longshoreman and their favorite copulating animals.

10 p.m. Eastern: Lockdown, Prison Bitches: Special Guest Ann Coulter discusses the joy of conjugal visit sodomy.

CNN: Your RAPTURE network.

7 p.m. Eastern: The Situation Room: Wolf asks whether the end times will deter AIPAC from achieving it's aims while Jack Cafferty decries Jesus leaving cranky old men behind.

8 p.m. Eastern: Paula Zahn: Author Tim LaHaye visits to answer the question whether we are at the end times and if Jesus will allow blonde talking heads to ascend into heaven first. Then see Paula flash the savior gash.

9 p.m. Eastern: Larry King's guests wonder who the hell you have to marry to get raptured? Then Regis Philbin stops by to make a special pleading that Kathie Lee and Frank get left behind, as well as their little brats. Reege also sacrifices Kelly by burying her alive in bad reviews for 'Hope & Faith'.

10 p.m. Eastern: Anderson Cooper's Head does a 360: Anderson asks special guest St. Peter if homosexuality will still get him into heaven as long as he dresses well, but not too well -- "if you know what I mean".