Sunday, November 29, 2009

Atta J. Turk's Trust NFL Picks

I stumbled last week with a 3 and 3 week, making me 42 and 24 mark for the season. Oh well. The real tragedy is that 3 games I would have definitely used to "fluff up" my picks were played on Thursday, so the pickings are slimmer this weekend.

Yeah, I can hear you all yawning.

Buccaneers at Falcons
: I hate to keep obsessing on this, but it has dawned on me that Matt Ryan of Atlanta is trying his best to develop Peyton Manning head. This is disturbing in the extreme. Not even Eli wants that. If Ryan starts showing up in Sony commercials we've got a problem America. I suppose it could be worse, he could be developing Strahan-teeth and hanging out with Jared from Subway. In any case, the Falcons are a better team, boy that's dull, but that's th case. Take the Falcons.

Redskins at Eagles: Oh, it's a division rivalry, you never know what will happen! Um, yeah. Yeah, you do. The Redskins will be abysmal on offense. Plus, of course, there's that nickname. Ugh. But the real reason the Eagles will win is that Andy Reid will inspire his team with a rousing defense of fellow fat-coach Mark Mangino of Kansas -- who is at risk of termination at the University of Kansas. Mangino makes Reid look like a GQ model and has everyone in the country saying, sure he's fat, but at least he isn't as fat as Mangino, that guy's a real load. So fly Eagles fly...or at least jump an inch or two.

Browns at Bengals: The Bengals laid a gigantic turd against the Raiders last week, causing many a rousing celebration amongst Raider nation. Let us observe one now, I present the Winter Wind as it should be played:

So the Bengals sure fucked that up. But in the NFL there's no salve better than playing the Browns after a loss. The Bengals will win easily -- and Eric Mangini, not to be confused with half a Mark Mangino will whine all the way back to Cleveland.

Colts at Texans: A few weeks ago, I took the Texans to somehow beat the Colts, like a M-O-R-O-N. Never let it be said that I ever learn my lesson about anything. I saw the Texans blow yet another game on Monday night, they have a short week and the Colts seem to win one way or another every week. They are a much better team, have better talent, and execute better. And that's why the Texans have them just where they want them. Have I made fun of Peyton Manning's forehead yet? I'm taking the Texans. Just because I can and just because there are no real-world repercussions.

Bears at Vikings: Jay Cutler is has a great arm, but his real strength is in pouting. The guy can really pout. You have no idea how many disturbing pictures of some roided up body-builder I had to sift through to find the right Jay Cutler. That's what's really disturbing. Anyhoo, having listened to 11 weeks of NFL acction on various networks it appears to me that this is a battle between a man who "just has fun out there like a kid" and a guy who actually pouts like a real kid...especially if they are on "Two and a Half Men". I'll take the team with the non-pouter -- and the one that's 9 and 1 as opposed to 4 and 6, that makes it a little easier. The Vikes will win.

Patriots at Saints: This weeks "Game of the Century". Two weeks ago, the Patriots managed to find a way to lose to the Colts and now they play the undefeated Saints in New Orleans. I no why many people are taking the Patriots -- because of recent history -- three Super Bowls, Brady, etc. I also think that the Saints are due to lose (see Colts, Indianapolis). I have a feeling the Saints are going to be sky-flippin' high at the beginning of this game. If the Patriots are tied with the Saints after the first quarter, or ahead, they will win. That seems the key to the game to me (oh my Gawd, analysis instead of snark...but let's be honest, I'm just trying to finish this post so I can go see what Broder-Bullshit exists at the WaPo). I'm gong with the Patriots.