If any vegans came over for dinner, I could whip them up a salad, then explain my philosophy on being a carnivore: If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?
Which completely explains the prohibition on eating things like Pigs, Shellfish, and...
But don't eat the meat of any of the following birds: eagles, vultures, falcons, kites, ravens, ostriches, owls, sea gulls, hawks, pelicans, ospreys, cormorants, storks, herons, and hoopoes. [a] You must not eat bats.
It's like God is enforcing the Endangered Species Act or something.
Meanwhile, fuck it, I'm having some hoopoe jerky.
...don't eat camels, rabbits, and rock badgers.
Imagine a world where the B-52s sang about "Rock Badgers"?
Well we can... as God will Smith those who dwelleth too often near 'The Red Lobster' (or Rock Lobster for that matter):
9You can eat any fish that has fins and scales. But there are other creatures that live in the water, 10and if they do not have fins and scales, you must not eat them. Treat them as unclean.
The above phrases comes just after another of my favorite asshole biblical phrase:
6-10 Someone else may say to you, " Let's worship other gods." That person may be your best friend, your brother or sister, your son or daughter, or your own dear wife or husband. But you must not listen to people who say such things. Instead, you must stone them to death. You must be the first to throw the stones, then others from the community will finish the job. Don't show any pity.
Thanks for fucking things up for all concerned there God. The three major faiths that worship you, and ostensibly YOU alone, have managed to still violate this tenet by following it an awful lot.