Sunday, November 15, 2009

Atta J. Turk's trusty NFL Picks

I celebrated Brett Favre's disappearance from the NFL broadcast map with yet another 5 and 1 week -- 35-19 for the year. My one loss being the Buccaneers strapping on Bucko Bruce and Rodgering the Packers.

Wait, that didn't come out quite right.

Anyhoo, it's week 10 of the season which means most team are playing their 9th game, it's like Republican math only substantially closer to the mark. It's also the last bye week, so next week I'll have a full compliment of tomato cans to pick from(and have there ever been so many doormats?).

Meanwhile...Bears at 49ers...

Oh, alright, I'll make it slightly harder.

Lions at Vikings: The Lions played pretty well the first half in their first meeting with the Vikings and actually had the lead at halftime 13 to 10. Of course, they ended up losing 27 to 13 in a very dull but solid Viking win. The next week they beat the Redskins ending the longest losing streak in the league. And then they proceeded to lose five straight. Guess who has the leagues longest losing streak again? Depressing isn't it? It is not getting any less depressing. The Vikings were treating the early part of the season as Brett Favre's scrimmages. They're a much more dangerous and complete offense now. Any given Sunday and all that, but the Vikes will win pretty easily.

Bengals at Steelers: DeDurkheim will be sitting in his living room eating Skyline Chili wearing his black and orange striped pajamas rooting for the Bengals. And the Bengals are pretty easy to root for as they have played great the first half of the season. They are in the rather rare position of being able to complete a sweep of their chief divisional opponents and traditional powerhouses having just done so against the Ravens. But I just don't see it happening, I'm picking the Steelers. Although I could really go for some Skyline Chili right now.

Saints at Rams: Jesus, I shouldn't even be allowed to pick this game and the Lions-Vikings the same week. That's just fluffing the record. Well, lemme tell you something slappy, I didn't get to 35 and 19 in this highstakes world of straight-up game picking by non-fluffing. Saints win easily.

Cowboys at Packers: Oh who do I root against? The slumping division rival to the Vikings (my team) while the Vikings take a huge lead in their division against a weak opponent or the team I have a life-long disdain for (DECEMBER 28, 1975 -- DREW PEARSON PUSHED OFF!!!!!)? So, I'm going to base this decision on the oft-violated premise of who needs it more? The Packers do, so they'll look really good, win the game, tease their fans and proceed to fall on their faces again soon, probably next week. Oh, and Suck It! Drew Pearson!

Seahawks at Cardinals: Who gives a shit? I'm still made, 34 years later, at Drew Pearson. Oh, alright. The Cardinals have been, as always, a weird quirky team -- only for a change the last couple years, a good weird quirky team as opposed to a quirk shitty one. That would be the Seahawks. The Cardinals are presently 4 and 0 on the road, and 1 and 3 at home. Weird. On the other hand, the Seahawks have beaten the following teams, all at home (they haven't won on the road) Rams, Jaguars, Lions. Two of those have been shut outs and routs. They are bizarre in a really shitty and completely irrelevant way. They will continue to do so. The Cardinals win a home game.

Patriots at Colts: The Colts have almost lost to two fairly average clubs the last two home. Now they face a well-above average team, at home. I have a feeling they'll execute better this time around. But for some reason, having been ripe for an upset the last few weeks, I just don't think however motivated they may be, they'll be able to not get picked off this week. This is unlike the Saints who haven't been playing good teams while they've been in the same boat...and they still aren't. This doesn't mean the Colts are bad, it's just that they are due to lose soon. Take the Patriots.

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