Although it's native to the Amazon, a testicle-eating fish species called "Pacu" has been turning up in places including Denmark, France and Illinois.
Now, a large Pacu has been found in northern New Jersey, just more than 10 miles outside New York City.
Retired bus driver Tom Boylan hooked a 10-inch-long Pacu on Saturday at Third Ward Veteran's Memorial Park in Passaic, N.J., according to The Bergen Record, which posted a photo of the fish.
Pacu have wide teeth shaped like molars and strong jaw muscles that allow them to crack open tree nuts and other tough aquatic foods. Somewhat terrifyingly, however, the fish have been known to mistake human testicles for tree nuts. Two men in New Guinea reportedly died from blood loss after a Pacu chomped on theirs.
Okay, two additional things we've learned from this article:
1. It doesn't actually eat testicles...deliberately.
2. The Amazon is so long it not only flows through much of South America...but also half-way around the world, through the Pacific and into New Guinea (logically even were this true, I have the technicalities of the river's flow wrong, but in the spirit of the article just go with it).
Oh, and a bit of research reveals what the Huffington Post apparently could not suspect well enough (New Guinea and Amazon and no suspicion at all, huh?) that this "testicle-biting" is all a big ole hoax.
Maybe Ted Cruz should talk about it...seems factually accurate enough for him.