1. Make Giant Trillion Dollar Plaintinum Coin.
2. Make it hollow.
3. Tell Koch Brothers, Obama's Kenyan Birth Certificate inside.
4. Tell Walton family and Papa John same thing.
5. Accept bids starting at $1 trillion and one dollars, no reserve AND no backsies.
6. Treat whole country to one Nacho Cheese Dorito Taco each with profit.
7. Compare shell of Taco to Boehner fleshtone.
9. Spend rest of money on fixing plumbing infrastructure in wake of everyone eating one of those shit awful tacos.