Monday, January 19, 2009

Facebook Status Updates from Bush Devotees, Dimwits & Dead-enders (Part I)

Inauguration Eve Edition

CLAUDE ALLEN is formulating strategies for his new gig as Director of Loss Prevention at Linda Tripp’s popular shop, The Christmas Sleigh, in Middleburg, VA.

MONICA GOODLING is thinking that government work is highly overrated and searching for a Republican to design napkin rings for her wedding.

JOE THE PLUMBER is considering going back to installing water filters instead of babbling about media filters.

KEN MEHLMAN is thinking about the myriad of ways in which George W. Bush really is like Harry S. Truman.

BEN DOMENECH is thinking about the myriad of ways in which George W. Bush really is like Harry S. Truman.

JAMES INHOFE is unrepentant in his insistence that global warming is a hoax as he pumps four feet of water out of his Tulsa basement.

HARRIET MIERS is dreaming about what might have been as she stages a mock-wedding for her cats.

MITT ROMNEY is thinking about this February's Westminster Kennel Club 133rd Annual Dog Show.

COKIE ROBERTS is very concerned that Democrats will overplay their hand and wonders if "Beyonce" is an overly exotic name for a performer at an inaugural event.

LEVI JOHNSTON is on the road.

KENNETH TOMLINSON is not watching inauguration coverage on PBS.

LYNNE CHENEY is pondering a return to writing.

RICHARD PERLE is reminding anyone who will listen that he was not an architect of the Iraq war.

BARBARA BUSH is packing.

ALBERTO GONZALES is sending out resumes.
NICOLLE WALLACE is very definitely not reading inauguration coverage in "Time" magazine!

TOM DELAY is thinking about comebacks.


JOHN BOEHNER is weeping while tanning.

CONDOLEEZZA RICE is dreaming of peace while shopping for shoes in the middle east.

PIPER PALIN is still carrying her Lunchables in her the RNC's $865 Louis Vuitton "Montorgueil GM" handbag.

SEAN HANNITY is looking forward to his inauguration day address to the Nassau Community College Chapter of the College Republicans.

ASHLEY TODD is discovering the joys of L'Oreal True Match Liquid Make-up in "Classic Ivory".

JOHN YOO is grateful for tenure.

GEORGE ALLEN is watching the inauguration from America and the real world of Virginia.

LURITA DOAN is thinking about how she can help her candidates in the next election.

ALAN GREENSPAN is pondering legacies shattered.

STEVE SCHMIDT is tired of pro-Obama advocacy organizations and is avoiding all MSM inauguration coverage.

SARAH PALIN is organizing her closets and keeping an eye on Russia from her bedroom window.

JACK ABRAMOFF is wondering (a) if it was all worth it and (b) if the person in charge of the TV at Federal Corrections Institute at Cumberland, Maryland at noon tomorrow is a Republican or a Democrat.

RACHEL PAULOSE is reading about the inauguration and remembering her investiture.

BRADLEY SCHLOZMAN is pondering a career outside the law.

PEGGY NOONAN is not savoring.

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