Sunday, October 31, 2004

Prediction Time, Worth Absolutely NOTHING

Well, okay, but still worth more than Howard Fineman's predictions.

Attaturk's belief in the election's results are a combination of both rationality and optimism. Here is Attaturk's prediction for the election.

Kerry wins every Gore State except New Mexico, but Iowa and Wisconsin will be close, very close.

Bush holds all of his States except, the following: New Hampshire, Florida and Ohio.

The electoral vote count is Kerry 306, Bush 232.

Kerry wins the popular vote getting just over 52, Bush getting just over 47. Democrats will pick up the Senate by picking up 3 seats, making the Senate 51 plus 1, to 48. The Kerry surge will surprisingly cause a dozen seats to switch in the House and with the addition of Bernie Sanders caucusing with them gives them a razor thin majority in the House.

Other predictions:

Republicans proceed to whine, complain, and bitch on talk radio for the next four years than three months. Of course, first, they litigate for three months.

John O'Neill crawls back into his hidey-hole and assumes a fetal position until Groundhog Day 2008 when he reemerges to claim that John Kerry ate the throat out of every Vietnamese child in the Mekong Delta.

Rush Limbaugh emerges from Jail in the Fall of 2007 to engage in a short-wave radio broadcast from a bunker somewhere in Idaho.

The Bush family gets ready to try the one-term triple play with Jeb in 2008.

Dick Cheney keeps his plane flying west from Hawaii toward Burma. He then sets up a small commune of jungle dwellers in a remote location. A book is written about it, "Electronic Heart of Darkness". The Horror, the Horror.

Karen Hughes, takes out her frustrations by going down to a Fort Worth animal shelter and breaking the necks of numerous cats and dogs with her bare manhands.

Ann Coulter, publishes a book on January 19, 2005 claiming Kerry should be impeached. Coulter goes on hunger strike until Kerry can be defeated. However, nothing happens and people discover that Coulter is in reality an air fern, like Don Imus.

Sean Hannity stars in a series of Bukkake films.

Alan Colmes developes a vestigal spine for the days of November 3, 4, and 5 before Roger Aisles has Karen Hughes rip it out of him with her powerful grip.

Ed Gillespie goes to Canada to receive a gift from a Chin Donor.

Glenn Reynolds wakes up in a pool of his own sweat, mumbling "indeed, indeed, indeed".

Robert Novak, disposable douche, spends time in the pokey.

Katherine Lopez, discovers no change in her social life.

Tom DeLay is indicted in Texas, he flees into his compound, police are finally able to get him out, but setting off a series of bug-bombs.

John McCain calls up Beelzebub, ask if he can buy his soul back. Finds out that Colin Powell is doing the same thing.

Rudi Giulianni obtains a new hair weave, donated to him by Judith Nathan.

Zell Miller is pelted with spitballs.

Finally,

My hope is that out of this election, people will realize that pollsters cannot get accurate sampling anymore and either their methodologies have to change or there is not as much utility in them anymore. This causes the SCLM to spend a LOT less time on the horserace which is way too fucking predominant, instead they will focus on the issues.

Probably way too big a cockeyed optimist on that last one.

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