Catching up on my TIVO

You know the life of a mildly successful blogger is a busy one. What with not being interviewed on the radio, not being invited to conventions and such. All this snubbing and resentment doesn't leave one with all that much time on their hands.

But lately, thanks to all the free samples I stole from my neighbor the psychiatrist, I feel content, relaxed and blissful, why I don't even worry about the fact that I can see moving shadows, or that the pixies are out to get me (fuck you, Frank Black!). Nope, all is over-all better, in the Attaturk world, which gave me some time to catch up on what some folks -- most all folks actually -- call the TIVO. About a month ago, I caught a couple of episodes of Dr. Phil, including one with the President and in viewing the two things, well I'm a bit worried. Apparently, Dr. Phil had these categories...

Over 90 percent of serial killers are male.

Check, dubya's a dude, or at least a facsimile thereof.

They do poorly in school, have trouble holding down jobs, and often work as unskilled laborers.

Check for the most part.

They tend to come from markedly unstable families.

Poppy & Babs for parents, um yup.

As children, they are abandoned by their fathers and raised by domineering mothers.

Oh, shit, three for three.

Their families often have criminal, psychiatric and alcoholic histories.

He is a boozer, and then there is Neil and the family's past love o' the Nazis. But, I mean I could say the same thing about the Kennedys.

They hate their fathers and mothers.

Damn, five for five!

They are commonly abused as children: psychologically, physically and sexually.

Mommy used to make 'em eat Poppy's broccoli.


Often the abuse is by a family member.

See above.

Many serial killers spend time in institutions as children and have records of early psychiatric problems.

Andover was more than just a prep school.

They have high rates of suicide attempts.

Do alcoholic or cocaine binges count?

From an early age, many are intensely interested in voyeurism, fetishism, and sado-masochistic pornography.

Hey, he's got Cheney and Rove working for him. Pretty good odds.

More than 60 percent of serial killers wet their beds beyond the age of 12.

Last week he blamed it on Barney!

Many serial killers are fascinated with fire starting.

I'm counting Iraq as one for this category.

They are involved with sadistic activity or tormenting small creatures.

Frogs and firecrackers.

They tend to be intelligent, with IQ´s in the "bright normal" range

Whew!

Still, as Dr. Phil said, he possesses the majority of the characteristics of a serial killer.

This should really help Bush with his base...sociopathic, messianic, taxidermy hobbiests.