When I, Atta J. Turk, shuffle off this mortal coil there is something that has a better than 50-50 shot at being the cause of death.
An embolism caused by frustration from MY FUCKING OFFICE STAPLERS!!!!
No matter where they come from, no matter how many I buy, no matter who buys them for me, no matter whether I load the staplers or someone else does. My entire career, hell my entire life, there is one thing rarer than true love, true hate, sex, taxes, violence, and the Vikings not choking in an important game.