God is on My Side?

Remember John Kerry's quote from Lincoln, "I humbly pray that I am on God's side". Well, none of that humble, let alone Lincoln, shite for Alan "Hi, I'm from Maryland" Keyes.

Some people have commented, or e-mailed me, asking why I am even bothering with Keyes, who has no shot at all against Obama.

I spend time because for many right-wingnuts,Keyes is a particular favorite. Which is disturbing because Keyes is so palpably an eccentric, weird-ass, clown from the Republi-theocracy brigade. The fact they'd turn to this bizarre man,who is from half a continent away from Illinois says something disturbing about the GOP, one that deserves exposure and mockery.

It also helps,that as someone who blogs principally through sarcasm, Keyes is a limitless repository of jackassary.

For example, yesterday:

"I will promise you a battle like this nation has never seen ... The battle is for us, but I have confidence because the victory is for God."

If God plays a role in the victory Alan, then history suggests God is not exactly rootin' for you.

In 1988, God chose Paul Sarbanes over you, and not by a little bit. He beat you by more than 20 points and you ran well behind the Bush/Quayle ticket.

Now, some might think that this was a sign from God that he's not at your back.

But, NOOOOO!

You ran again, thinking that God was too busy insuring the defeat of that lover of Slavery Michael Dukakis.

And in 1992, you were up against Barbara Mikulski; a woman who, not very well, conceals the fact she hangs out in the same wardrobe as Matt Drudge. Surely, God would allow you to defeat this Godless Gay?

Nope, God decided to have you ass-whupped even worse this time. You lost by more than 40 points.

Alan, you lost by 40 points to a short, dumpy, charismaless, lesbian in a State even Spiro Agnew managed to win in.

Criminy crap, if God is telling you anything it is, "You Suck at this"! Why aren't you listening?