Coming this Fall, the New PBS -- You Won't Even Know You've been Entertained

I think this may be my bitterest parody yet:

(PBS Announcer): This announcement has been brought to you by the Richard Mellon Scaife Foundation, providing journalistic-like services to unquestioning citizens for a century, give or take a few decades.

By, Halliburton, we needed to account for some of our money somewhere.

And by, the Chubb Group, just because we like saying it.

[cue passive music]

Coming this Fall, in the wake of the stunning success of "Tucker Carlson Inexplicable 'Unfiltered'". Successful, at least with the Congressional Leadership, we at PBS have an exciting new schedule, sure to appeal to our new conservative "tax payer supportin'" viewers.

Here are but a few of the new shows you will be seeing on PBS.

The New History Explorers:
This year's hosts will be Historians David Irving and Victor Davis Hanson. On alternating weeks our dynamic hosts will tell a fascinating and previously not discussed issue from history as long as it concerns Jewish perfidity or kickin' ass.

David Irving will engage in exciting Ken Burns' like reenactments of Operation Barbarosa, read exciting passages from the 'Protocols of the Elders of Zion', and show hilarious outtakes and bloopers from unearthed Nazi Home videos at Auschwitz, Sobibor, and Treblinka, "I say, look at the Rabbi get kicked in the Nuts".

Meanwhile, Victor Davis Hanson, will explore why the First, Second, and Third Punic Wars mean that the current Iraq invasion was justified.

Plantation House with Trent Lott and Zell Miller:
Twelve African-American contestants will compete in the fields each and everyweek under this year's Overseers, in a wacky but educational contest to see who can win and become House Ni... oops cannot say that word...not yet at least, we mean Secretary of Education.

Evening at the Apollo:
Hosts Alan Keyes and Michelle Malkin go to Harlem to host this weekly program engaging in various loud addresses and jokes from such comedic groups as the "Blue Collar Comedy Tour", and various Nascar Drivers. Each show ends with an apology from Don Rickles.

The New McLaughlin Group:
We've replaced Eleanor Clift with Ann Coulter and John McLaughlin with Bill O'Reilly for a new, more dynamic, half-hour of totally, bitchin' Right-Wing Power. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 meaning totally fascisistic righteousness, it is an 11.

Human Sexuality with Jerome Corsi:
Author and, um, well author, Jerome Corsi hosts this exciting show about the sexual practices common in various faiths throughout the the world.

The Story of Dentistry with Robert Novak:
C'mon look at his TEETH, so white, so hypnotic, so hypnotizing.

Communicating with Animals: Host Peggy Noonan
For 23 consecutive weeks, the host looks at the fabulous communication skills and inspiring mackerel eating of Dolphins.

Washington Freep in Review:
We've gotten rid of the old gang and will now give you solo Charles Krauthammer for a full thirty-minutes week in and week out. It is a one-man show of stuttering anger and illogical bile. You'll love it.

The New Nova:
New hosts Dwayne T. Gish and Gregg Easterbrook look at the world of science and how it is either too simple or too complicated to understand. And just to balance it out, on biology weeks Mr. Gish will use a medium to communicate with the ghost of Democrat William Jennings Bryan.

The Embalmed Roadshow, aka What the Hell is this Swill?
Each week Journalist English-Guy Christopher Hitchens drinks a new Liter of Spirits in a new location and compares it to 'Johnny Walker Black Label', while making cutting and snide remarks about Mother Teresa and Sidney Blumenthal. At the conclusion of the hour and a full bottle, Hitch will show you how he puts a column together each and every week.

All coming to PBS this fall, or at least until January 2005.