Day One at the Convention

Today I arrived at the convention. Some of the members of Team Hoot Owl were quite shaky as the bus pulled up to the convention center. As the doors opened one of the Marxists ran away. The other two decided to continue with their being embedded with Ann Coulter. Team Hoot Owl gave one last hoot call before each going our separate ways.

I met with the Veggie Tales for the first time today after I got to the convention center. They were not at all what I expected. Apparently Bob the Tomato is quite a republican booster for the Christian right. "The kids show is just an opportunity to raise money for THE CAUSE." When asked what THE CAUSE is Bob didn't miss a beat. "We want to take over the country and institute a theocracy. We really supported Ralph Reed and before that Pat Robertson" said Bob while he was munching on a cigar. "But George W. will do for now."

Looking around I noticed that Larry the Cucumber was missing from the group. "Where's Larry," I asked? "That bum is no longer a veggie." "He's gone to the dark side," said Pa Grape. "He's a democrat" spit out Bob. "You cannot imagine how much evil he has supported!" While his veins pulsating, Bob screamed "he supported that anti-Christ Clinton!" While Bob degenerated into a screaming pile of Tomato stew, I quietly slipped out to check into the other goings on at the convention.

After walking around and seeing parties and workshops such as "Conservative Canines for Bush" hosted by Lassie, I thought that Lassie was dead. Or "Conservative Correctness: How to Control the Media" led by Rupert Murdoch and "Anti-Corporate America: The last great prejudice," "hallelujah Halliburton," and "Way to go for War!" Anyway, the workshop that truly caught my eye was "W stands for women." This was something that I had to see.

Almost all of the participants and audience were women. The leaders of the workshop talked about how "Bush cares about women." And that "Bush knows women." It took me a few minutes to realize that one of the women taking notes was Laura Bush. She sat up front asking a lot of questions and seemed very interested. I had no idea that W was so concerned about women.

After that strange experience I needed to get some fresh air. I felt a strange eerie cold enter the hallway. Then I saw Ann Coulter coming out of the corner of my eye. All I could feel was cold and a strong smell of cigarettes and chardonnay. I ducked inside the men's room to get away from that awful soul sucking feeling. Who should be walking out of the men's room but Doro Bush-chuckles. Huh, I thought that Doro was a... Well, nevermind.

I have to go outside and take a look around at the protesting. Plus I have get away from all these people with the strange wide eyed look in their eyes. Cool, look at that dragon over there, I want to go hide in it so I can have some alone time.