I hereby Declare Myself Qualified

To become an editorial writer for any major newspaper in the country.

Let's face it when Bobo and John Tierney are the "quality" righties at the New York Times and when Jonah "Nepotism Yes, Cronyism No" Goldberg is hired by the Los Angeles Times, I am more than qualified for that new career. Unlike these gentlemen, I generally don't do complete "fucknut" assholery, but I can be had for the right price. I also try to avoid overgeneralization from completely fiction(I overgeneralize only from a factual basis).

Oh sure, I am on occasion a horrid speller, and a terrible editor of my own material. However, I am confident that like the "steller" individuals above, with enough money I can develop a template of douchebaggery that will keep the need for more than one major edit down to a minimum.

I know, of course, that there are more than enough progressive bloggers that are superior to me as writers -- far superior. You've got your Digbys, your Billmons, your Wolcotts, your TBoggs, your Atrios's....

(2,867 examples later)

...and your Yglesiaseseseseseseseses. But the fact that there are so many better writers who share a similar ideology has not prevented these men (may I call them men?) from having their names associated with major papers.

And I tell you one thing, when I am claimed to be a liberal, I really will be. I won't be some two-faced, whiny, bee-yatch! like Richard Cohen.

So I hereby offer up my services to any newspaper in the country. I'd like to add, that like any non-self-respecting enough individuals I will work cheap as long as the insincere praise is given out in abundance.

Thank You.


...Or you could just hire back Robert Scheer.