Der Sturmer's recent News Release

Apologizing, half-heartedly, for its two recent completely bogus stories on Kerry the "metrosexual" and "commies for Kerry".

Try not to let your snicker's distract your mouth-breathing co-workers:

Credibility is our lifeblood. When we make factual mistakes, we affect adversely all the hard work that we've done for eight years to become the country's leading news channel.