Tuesday, February 05, 2008

The Excuse-O-Meter™ Returns!

In anticipation of this evening's festivities, we at Rising Hegemon are pleased to bring back the official Rising Hegemon Caucus/Primary/General Election Loss Excuse-O-Meter™. Post your favorite excuses in comments -- rate the ones I've posted -- and I'll add the best ones to the list throughout the day. Tomorrow, the various camps can chose the excuse that fits best and then ... onward to Pennsylvania!
  1. "We wuz robbed."
  2. “There was a blizzard in Chicago."
  3. "There was a tickertape parade for the Giants in New York."
  4. "There were mass suicides in Massachusetts owing to the Patriots' loss."
  5. "There were earthquakes/mudslides/wildfires/a plague of locusts in California."
  6. "My loss is really a win because [INSERT CONSULTANT-PENNED BULLSHIT EXCUSE HERE]."
  7. “In reality, I’ve always been running for vice president.”
  8. “It’s always been about the process.”
  9. “Keep your frickin’ hands off my delegates.”
  10. "I lost, but everyone else sucks, so really, I won."
  11. "I lost, but Candidate X lost worse than me, so really, I won."
  12. “[CANDIDATE X] is not a true conservative/Democrat.”
  13. “The evangelicals/young people/old people/women/African-Americans/Latinos sat this one out.”
  14. "I am the Comeback Kid."
  15. "My opponent's victory was more in the nature of a protest vote."
  16. "It ain't over 'til it's over."
  17. “The voting machine were rigged.”
  18. “The voting machines failed.”
  19. “There weren’t enough voting machines.”
  20. “The results were in line with our/your/the peoples'/media’s expectations.”
  21. "The results exceeded our/your/the peoples'/the media’s expectation."
  22. “Diebold stole it for [CANDIDATE X]”
  23. "The media was against me."
  24. "The primary started too late/early, was too far away (and the parking sucked)."
  25. "'The real victory is that we got our message out there.”
  26. “[POINTLESS TV SHOW] was on."
  27. "My opponent played dirty."
  28. "Early voting killed us. People changed their minds after they voted early."
  29. "The primary system is inherently un-democratic”
  30. "Massive Democratic/Underwhelming Republican Turnout in a Red State."
  31. "What me worry?"
  32. “The polls were right!”
  33. “The polls were wrong!”
  34. “I’ll be vindicated at the convention.”
  35. "I'll be vindicated in the general."
  36. “History will vindicate me.”
  37. "[INSERT STATE HERE] is not representative of the rest of the country anyway."
  38. "You talkin' to me?"
  39. "We're taking this campaign to the next most important state: the internet!"
  40. The Napoleon: "I'll be back."
  41. The Coriolanus: "The mob is fickle."
  42. And my (still) favorite -- The Scarlett O'Hara: "Tomorrow is another day!"

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