Tuesday, August 31, 2004

The United Faces of Plastic: Ahnold at the Convention

Now that I have the Daily Show guy's computer I can write more about what I have seen at the convention.

All the talk on the floor is about flip-flopping. Bush's that is. Many of the delegates are crestfallen that we cannot win the war on terror. "But he told us we would win!" said one delegate from Kansas jumping up and down and rolling around on the floor in a temper tantrum. "We need that war machine to keep our economy afloat" said several other delegates. Finally I mentioned to one delegate that if we cannot win the war, that would mean that we would fight a meaningless perpetual war. "Hey that's right. We could fight and fight and never win" the delegate said brightening. "We will have to make many many many more weapons!" This is better than when we stole the election from Gore. Thanks!"

Hmmmm... I slowly walked away from these smiling warmongers not wanting to receive the brunt of their strange happiness. Fearing that several of them were about to ask me what the Rising Hegemon was, I threw jelly beans on the floor. Suddenly all the delegates were bent over picking up the jelly beans. "Reagan candies" they yelled. I will have to remember to thank Lead Hoot Owl for the suggestion of the jelly beans.

I managed to hide around Rush Limbaugh and Darryl Kagan. Boy, they are really into each other. You would think that they would come up for air once in a while. Not in my most teen hormone driven moments did I kiss like that.

After losing my lunch, I have to get that image of Rush and Kagan out of my mind. Anyway, I finally managed to clean up and change into my emergency back up red power tie just in time to watch Ahnold get ready to go on stage. Boy, who would have thought that his muscles were faked. I know what you are all thinking. He pumped iron for years to get that body and maybe he did. But now, apparently its some white pasty material that they pump into him. The bags were marked Joan Rivers. I decided that I didn't want to know. Luckily I had nothing left to hurl, so I was able to get close enough to ask him some questions. Unfortunately, the Daily Show guy could not get past the odd smelling stuff that was being put into Ahnold and he fainted.

"Hello Girlie Man, vhat left-ving crap papah do you vrite for dat I would vipe my manly but wit!" "Yeah, um that's a good one, but what do you hope to accomplish here?" "Vell, I hope to... Excuse me a moment." "Miss, miss... Can you help me wit something?" And then Ahnold grabbed a woman's breasts and said "Come in Tokyo!" After the woman ran off, suddenly a flunky lawyer ran after her, "ma'am, I need you to sign this non-disclosure document."

"Vhere vere ve?" "Mr. Governator, what do you hope to accomplish at the convention?" The governator looked thoughtful for a moment, "Oh excuse me" he said.

"Can I be honest vit you?" I thought, this is it, the scoop that will make this nightmare worthwhile. "Absolutely," I replied. "I am vere to launch my presidential campaign." "Huh," I thoughtfully replied. "ves, I hope to get Tom DeVay to change da constitution vor me. Bush is a girlie man. Ve need a veal man in the vhite house. But vight now I vill back Bush if no one else is man enough. And I order Bush avound all da time."

"I've got ta go now."

"Thank you Mr. Governator." He only sloshed a little bit as he disconnected his equipment. Hmmmm... the governator as president one day. That is a scary thought, but I suppose he might be the only Republican around this place that does not make me ill. Well, no... that's not true either. I think I have been here too long. I think I need a break.

Day Two: My computer dies

I had an entry written but Ann Coulter walked by and smoke came from my computer. I think I can steal the Daily Show Correspondent's computer but I will have to distract him. "Hey is that Jenna Bush!?!"

Perfect, he's running to go see. I am going to swipe his computer and try to reconstruct my journal.

More later tonight friends.

Convention Report: McCain the Puppet?

Well after that misstep of hiding in a paper dragon the other day. I decided to stay with the convention. I lost the Veggie Tales for a while and don't feel the mind numbing cold of Ann Coulter or the feeling of nausea that Pat Buchanan creates, so I think I am safe to wander the convention floor.

"Welcome to Compassionville!" Screamed a group of 'Hugging Republicans.' "Jesus, I hate those guys" muttered a strangely boyish looking Ralph Reed. "It's just a slogan like all that family and Christian crap that we spout." When I whirled around to be eye to eye with lil' Ralphy he spied my press pass and suddenly fell to his knees in prayer. "Dear Heavenly corporate Father, bless this most holy of hosts... The God fearin', infidel smitten' Republican convention!" In Halliburton'sYour name, we pray."

He did this so fast that I was kind of blown away by it. I looked around and several other guys in suits fell over themselves to get to their knees. A few were on all fours... Which was kind of frightening. I just smiled and backed away slowly. I remembered my camp training and spouted something about Jack 3 and 16: "For God so loved the world, he did cool stuff. And Jesus is going to smite his enemies." All the Republicans on their hands and knees applauded, some falling over to do so.

Ok, after shaking that strange experience off and navigating around another group of Republicans who kept walking up and hugging people, I walked around a backstage area and saw John McCain. Someone who had enough buttons on him to work at TGI Friday's pinned an "I Love Bush" button. When McCain said something about the slogan being inappropriate, kind of an innuendo or double something or other, the flunky laughed at him. Clearly the flunky was having none of it. "We all have to wear these buttons! The order comes from on High!!!" McCain responded: "what, God?" "Oh no," the flunky laughed, "higher, far higher than that... Karl Rove."

While the flunky had his back turned, I saw an opportunity to try to get a few words with McCain. I made a quick look around to see if Sean Hannity and the security patrol was around looking for liberals. Ann Coulter earlier in the day had reduced one of the Marxists to a crying mess and the Hannityites descended upon him. Now, I know what the Inquisition must have looked like.

Nope, it was clear. Oh wait remember the training... Be careful because conservatives hide. So, I looked underneath the table cloth and there was Cal Thomas attaching skirts to the table legs which we really could not see any way. "Indecent!" He maniacally chucked. "Mama says we must cover our naughty bits."

Thomas clearly posed no threat so I walked up to McCain but Cheney was walking up and remembering the training I dove under the table next to Thomas. "Do you want to cover naughty things too?" "um, no thanks," I mumbled, angry that my chance to talk with McCain mano-a-mano had been dashed by Cheney.

"You KNOW what to say, right!" Cheney demanded of McCain. "I know, I know..." McCain answered with his eyes down cast. "Remember what will happen to you if you mess this up," Cheney declared with a strange glee in his eye. McCain shuddered and said it was all taken care of. "You just keep Clarence Thomas away from me and my family!" McCain answered back with a little more back bone. "Hush, hush" Cheney retorted. "Remember that little stay in the Hanoi Hilton will seem like paradise if you are forced to stay with the Thomas' for a week."

My God I thought. That is inhuman. No wonder that McCain is so supportive of Bush. He fears for more than his life.

Finally they left, I assumed to go on stage so I could get away from Cal who kept showing me different size crucifixes he keeps in his pants. "This episode is going to take some pain killers," I thought as I got up.

Suddenly some frantic campaign worker ran up to me. "I lost my Hispanic. Oh no, where is my Hispanic. She's got to be in the Maine delegation!" What are you talking about? I asked as I covered my press badge. "We only have a finite number of black and brown Republicans and they have to be front and center for the delegate count. "Have you seen anyone with Brown skin?" "No, I am sorry but maybe they are in the foyer?" I offered. Taking the bait the flunky ran off. Whew. Man, I do not know if I can take a few more days of this.


-- Being an inflated pig? A life time of inhaling sausage.

-- Acting as Tom DeLay's handpuppet? 20 plus years of your life.

-- Keeping your gums flapping until you are sued for slander by a billionaire? PRICELESS.

Being a Republican, only for most does it means not having to say your sorry.

And you will be Denny, you will be.


And Newt, looks like you'll be next.

Hey Rudy?

As Rudy Giuliani related yesterday:

"At the time, we believed that we would be attacked many more times that day and in the days that followed. Without really thinking, based on just emotion, spontaneous, I grabbed the arm of then-Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik, and I said to him, "Bernie, thank God George Bush is our president.""

Yes, I'm sure this shameless endorsement was heard many times in many forms since September 11, 2001, but probably no more so than somewhere in the mountains of Northern Pakistan.

"We agree with the infidel Giuliani, praise be to Allah that Bush is your President."

I'd Like to Thank our Corporate Overlords cont.

Go to MSNBC and look at the WIDE variety of choices you have in this non-scientific dog-n-pony show poll

Very Fair.

Does Rudy's speech keep you in love with your Chimperor...or make you love him even more?


Apparently a deluge of email informing them of their stupidity has led them to re-write the question.

The Remembrances of History

A few things on historical characters and how they are remembered.

First, if Bush isn't Churchill, and he plainly isn't, who is he?

I'd say he's closer to Lindbergh than Churchill.

Lindbergh in his role as titular head of America First surely ignored the threat of Germany and Japan as not being in America's interest. He continued to belong to America First long after it became obvious that America would need to be involved in the Second World War -- even the Republicans nominated Wilkie, an internationalist in 1940.

But at this same time there was Lindbergh still stubbornly ignoring the danger and making stupid speeches lashing out against his critics in the most imbicilic of ways, on September 11 (ironically), 1941 in Des Moines, Iowa.

As I have said, these war agitators comprise only a small minority of our people; but they control a tremendous influence. Against the determination of the American people to stay out of war, they have marshaled the power of their propaganda, their money, their patronage.

Lindbergh then goes on to single out the these groups as being the British, the Roosevelt Administration as another. And then, most infamously:

History shows that it cannot survive war and devastations. A few far-sighted Jewish people realize this and stand opposed to intervention. But the majority still do not.

Their greatest danger to this country lies in their large ownership and influence in our motion pictures, our press, our radio and our government.

So Lindbergh twiddled and fretted while the world burned and the warning called.

Churchill spent most all of his years in the political wilderness, considered a traitor by Liberals, detested by Labour, not trusted by the Tories. He was wrong on any number of things. Wrong on Ireland, wrong on South Africa, wrong on India, wrong on women's suffrage. A blowharding, anti-communist gadfly.

But in the early 1930s it dawned on him just how powerful and dangerous Hitlerism was becoming and he became the prophet. As Hitler rose in power, Churchill's voice grew louder, while at the same time he, like all prophets, became more shunned than lauded by the powers that be in his party; be they Stanley Baldwin or Neville Chamberlain.

It took a time of profound crisis and threat for Churchill to be welcomed back to power. It took the invasion of Poland for him to get back into the Admiralty, and it took the invasion of France for him to become Prime Minister.

It was then, as a spiritual and psychic leader that the legend of Churchill arose. A marvelous wordsmith, Churchill's speeches and bravado was of inestimable value to the British.

He was right about few things in his life, but of one thing he was most correct and it was a huge thing. Without the eventuality of that thing, Churchill would have remained an isolated and eccentric figure on the world stage. Now, he is a legend and considered one of the great leaders of the 20th Century, and people refer to him like they refer to Lincoln, or either Roosevelt.

Churchill is emblazoned in History.

There is an American that I consider to be relatively close to Churchill of a different era. Some would quickly think Lincoln, or naturally FDR. But that person is someone else, of similar oratorical power and long-standing influence. Yet he is often not recognized and, indeed, the cause of his late career served not to aid him into legend; but to turn his otherwise impressive legacy into mockery.

That man is William Jennings Bryan, the Great Commoner.

Like Churchill, Bryan had a mercurial rise -- one from far more humble origins than Churchill.

Barely into his mid-30s, Bryan made one of the great speeches of the 19th Century, and perhaps the first truly modern political speech at the 1896 Democratic National Convention. In an age two generations before modern media, Bryan gave a speech emphasizing progressivism, of the working class against the privileged, for a fair shake for the common-man against Republican Oligarchy. It's then reflection was over the standard upon which currency was to be based.

The humblest citizen in all the land, when clad in the armor of a righteous cause, is stronger than all the hosts of error. I come to speak to you in defense of a cause as holy as the cause of liberty--the cause of humanity. ....

The man who is employed for wages is as much a business man as his employer; the attorney in a country town is as much a business man as the corporation counsel in a great metropolis; the merchant at the cross-roads store is as much a business man as the merchant of New York; the farmer who goes forth in the morning and toils all day--who begins in the spring and toils all summer--and who by the application of brain and muscle to the natural resources of the country creates wealth, is as much a business man as the man who goes upon the board of trade and bets upon the price of grain; the miners who go down a thousand feet into the earth, or climb two thousand feet upon the cliffs, and bring forth from their hiding places the precious metals to be poured into the channels of trade are as much business men as the few financial magnates who, in a back room, corner the money of the world. We come to speak for this broader class of business men...

Our war is not a war of conquest; we are fighting in the defense of our homes, our families, and posterity. We have petitioned, and our petitions have been scorned; we have entreated, and our entreaties have been disregarded; we have begged, and they have mocked when our calamity came. We beg no longer; we entreat no more; we petition no more. We defy them...

The income tax is just. It simply intends to put the burdens of government justly upon the backs of the people. I am in favor of an income tax. When I find a man who is not willing to bear his share of the burdens of the government which protects him, I find a man who is unworthy to enjoy the blessings of a government like ours...

The sympathies of the Democratic party, as shown by the platform, are on the side of the struggling masses who have ever been the foundation of the Democratic party. There are two ideas of government. There are those who believe that, if you will only legislate to make the well-to-do prosperous, their prosperity will leak through on those below. The Democratic idea, however, has been that if you legislate to make the masses prosperous, their prosperity will find its way up through every class which rests upon them...

Having behind us the producing masses of this nation and the world, supported by the commercial interests, the laboring interests, and the toilers everywhere, we will answer their demand for a gold standard by saying to them: You shall not press down upon the brow of labor this crown of thorns, you shall not crucify mankind upon a cross of gold.

Now, only the last part of that speech remains known. But look at how prescient so many of these statements remain today, especially -- in 1896 a championing of income tax and an attack on "trickle-down" economics.

Bryan was the progressive prophet of the prairie. While thrice he lost the Presidency, his ideas permeated into the policies of the Democratic Party, and also, for a time, the Republican Party, and held sway over the next three generations. Workers Compensation, Minimum Wage, Maximum Hours, Unionization, etc. are its legacies.

Yet Bryan is not remembered for being a progressive. He is remembered, ironically, for that portion of his beliefs that fits in closer to that of the religious right.

When you read the "Cross of Gold Speech" it is evident that Bryan even in 1996 was an evangelist, a fundamentalist, and it is in that fundamentalism that he is remembered. In 1925 in the Scopes Trial his deep convictions on religion and literalism were so profoundly obliterated and embarrassed (concretized by his death right after) that it took a half-century for the movement to regain its footing.

But the embarrassment of Bryan the fundamentalist has obliterated the more far-seeing "Great Commoner". So while Churchill, wrong about so many things, but right about the last big thing is praised, let us remember also a man no longer so quoted or so loved by history, but who, in many ways, should be. William Jennings Bryan, this Evolution-Believing Progressive uses his opposable thumb to tip his hat to you.

Comparing Bush to Churchill

Giulliani last night:

One of my heroes, Winston Churchill, saw the dangers of Hitler while his opponents characterized him as a warmongering gadfly.

As anyone who knows a something about Churchill is aware, as a military strategist, Winnie is a match for Bush.

Churchill pushed the disastrous Gilipoli misadventure.

Churchill constantly badgered Roosevelt and Eisenhower to do things like invade the Isle of Rhodes.

Churchill was decidedly not a great strategist -- much like Bush. So I'll take that comparison as apt.

Churchill was right about one thing in his life, admittedly a big thing, and he was right before the storm, not after it introduced itself by killing 3,000 people. Think Churchill would have ignored the 8/6/01 PDB Rudy?

Bush by the way, is doing a pretty good Neville Chamberlain in Iraq with Mr. Al Sadr at the moment too.

But let's imagine Winston Churchill as Bush:

the original, becomes;
"we shall defend our nation, no matter how many taxes we cut, we shall perpetually fight on the beaches, we shall perpetually fight on the landing grounds, we shall perpetually fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall perpetually fight in the hills; we shall never be victorious."

the original, becomes:
"Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves that, if the United States last for a thousand years, men will still say, "At least we fought them to a draw."

Inspiring, no?

A Bit More on the "Purple Heart Bandaids"

Being passed out by this guy:

Morton Blackwell.

You can read Mr. Blackwell's resume here.

You will search in vain for military service.

It says he is married to Helen Reddy...wtf? This Helen Reddy? "I am Woman" Helen Reddy?*

You think the guy who brags about being the youngest delegate for Goldwater in 1964 might have found a way to go over to Southeast Asia and kill commies.

As TBogg notes, however, his lack of hands on foreign policy experience has not kept this prime Chicken Hawk from favoring the militaristic side of things...

Blackwell is also President, International Policy Forum, from the 1984 CNP Directory, "a foundation which promotes educational exchanges between conservatives in the US and pro-freedom leaders in other countries." From other articles however, the IPF is painted far different. IPF trains rightwing conservatives around the world in New Right political techniques. Paul Weyrich chairs IPF.

"Blackwell and Weyrich also lead International Policy Forum (IPF), which appears to be the international parallel to CNP. The two organizations held joint meetings in St. Petersburg, Russia, in 1991 and in Romania in 1992. Blackwell has also trained rightist political forces in Latin America and Africa(19) through IPF, notably supporters of the Pinochet military dictatorship, Argentinean rightists, and supporters of Inkatha chief Buthelezi in South Africa. It was Buthelezi's group that later attempted to create civil war in South Africa to keep apartheid policies in place. Inkatha worked with pro-apartheid and neo-nazi groups to stop the elections eventually won by Nelson Mandela. A number of IPF projects, including the Inkatha training, were aided by U.S. government funding through the National Endowment for Democracy.

The sun on the meadow is summery warm

The stag in the forest runs free
But gathered together to greet the storm
Tomorrow belongs to me

But enough about Republican Songs, on with the picture captions. By the way, I completely agree with Steve Gilliard in regard to the elephant, I'll mention it below.


Ja, I had no problem with Operation Anschluss either.

Republicans applaud Congressional Medal of Honor winner Thomas Hudner Jr., before they begin mocking him and wearing Congressional Medal of Honor Bandaids.

As long as you keep your mouths shut.

A subliminal message to David Brooks about what his column on Tuesday is supposed to be about.

I don't know if it was a good idea to do Abner Louima impressions during your speech Rudy.

Broadcasters and media photographers successfully carry out their missions, "Find the African America Delegates at the GOP Convention."

That's about right. Someday maybe McCain will see the movie.

Do Not give your Elephant Viagra. And what the fuck, did Japan win WWII, the Rising Elephant, are we ruled by the Chrysanthemum Chimperor now?

The Bush Girls weren't the only ones drinking.

Brave Elephant, smelling the nuts at the Convention.

George P. Bush, bravely supports troops by not joining them.

BoBo...Quality Writing

The devolution of David Brooks into Peggy Noonan continues.

John McCain, Rudy Giuliani and Arnold Schwarzenegger are the big stars of the first two days of the Republican convention, but they didn't get their prime-time slots because they're moderates. If the Republican Party had wanted to play up the moderate angle, they'd have put together the same sort of multihued and gender-balanced schmaltzfest they did in 2000. McCain, Giuliani and Schwarzenegger are speaking because they are brave.

Oh criminy.

McCain I'll give you. Giuliani at least acted quickly on 9/11 rather than continue to read about a girl and her ungulate. Schwarzenegger? Um, David, I hate to break it to you but that is only in the movies.

Bobo doesn't even have the courage to not write about White House Talking Points.

Monday, August 30, 2004

Day One at the Convention

Today I arrived at the convention. Some of the members of Team Hoot Owl were quite shaky as the bus pulled up to the convention center. As the doors opened one of the Marxists ran away. The other two decided to continue with their being embedded with Ann Coulter. Team Hoot Owl gave one last hoot call before each going our separate ways.

I met with the Veggie Tales for the first time today after I got to the convention center. They were not at all what I expected. Apparently Bob the Tomato is quite a republican booster for the Christian right. "The kids show is just an opportunity to raise money for THE CAUSE." When asked what THE CAUSE is Bob didn't miss a beat. "We want to take over the country and institute a theocracy. We really supported Ralph Reed and before that Pat Robertson" said Bob while he was munching on a cigar. "But George W. will do for now."

Looking around I noticed that Larry the Cucumber was missing from the group. "Where's Larry," I asked? "That bum is no longer a veggie." "He's gone to the dark side," said Pa Grape. "He's a democrat" spit out Bob. "You cannot imagine how much evil he has supported!" While his veins pulsating, Bob screamed "he supported that anti-Christ Clinton!" While Bob degenerated into a screaming pile of Tomato stew, I quietly slipped out to check into the other goings on at the convention.

After walking around and seeing parties and workshops such as "Conservative Canines for Bush" hosted by Lassie, I thought that Lassie was dead. Or "Conservative Correctness: How to Control the Media" led by Rupert Murdoch and "Anti-Corporate America: The last great prejudice," "hallelujah Halliburton," and "Way to go for War!" Anyway, the workshop that truly caught my eye was "W stands for women." This was something that I had to see.

Almost all of the participants and audience were women. The leaders of the workshop talked about how "Bush cares about women." And that "Bush knows women." It took me a few minutes to realize that one of the women taking notes was Laura Bush. She sat up front asking a lot of questions and seemed very interested. I had no idea that W was so concerned about women.

After that strange experience I needed to get some fresh air. I felt a strange eerie cold enter the hallway. Then I saw Ann Coulter coming out of the corner of my eye. All I could feel was cold and a strong smell of cigarettes and chardonnay. I ducked inside the men's room to get away from that awful soul sucking feeling. Who should be walking out of the men's room but Doro Bush-chuckles. Huh, I thought that Doro was a... Well, nevermind.

I have to go outside and take a look around at the protesting. Plus I have get away from all these people with the strange wide eyed look in their eyes. Cool, look at that dragon over there, I want to go hide in it so I can have some alone time.

Well, I have to Change the Comment Page

At least for the moment, now that Hesiod is back (for undetermined duration). But I think the new name is appropriate.

CNN, Whores it Up to the Max

Bad enough that Daryn Kagan is shagging....no, no, I cannot finish this sentence.

CNN has managed to fulfill its Bush-Whoring Afternoon Requirements by finding an African American Republican not named Condeleeza.

I congratulate my corporate media overlords.

Just a suggestion - Fun with Cable News

Suggested Steps, at about 8 p.m. Eastern Tonight:

Step 1: Think up your classic "Porn Soundrack" music, you know "cha-whakka-whakka-whakka" keep that running in your head.

Step 2: Turn your channel to FoxNews. I realize for many progressives, this will require you undelete it from your preferences.

Step 3: Turn down the volume and keep that "porn music" playing in your head.

You'll find it makes the experience much more interesting.

Oh, and after this experience, you may NEVER be able to have sex again.

Doing their Best to Look Like Hicks

I actually know a few people from the Midwest, as Attaturk is somewhere in the Midwestarian Region of the Country.

Take Iowa for instance, Attaturk doesn't live in Iowa, but he has certainly been to it -- several times in fact. It is a state of about 3 Million people, most of whom are decidedly not farmers.

One of the things people from any region of the country do is tell jokes about their neighbors...which is always extra funny because there is generally not a bit of difference between say, Minnesota and Wisconsin, North Dakota and South Dakota. You get the drill.

Yet, it is always humorous to see somebody doing their best to make my region of the country look like complete and utter morons. For example,

"I left God's country," said Leon Mosley of Waterloo, Iowa, co-chairman of his state party. "They could use a bunch of people from Iowa to come here to show New Yorkers what life is all about, what being patriotic is all about, and what country is all about. I'm as confident about Bush being re-elected as I am that eggs are going to be in New York tomorrow morning.''

Now, not to rag too much on Iowa, but I think it is a little over-the-top to consider Des Moines to be the Capitol of Heaven. And that line, is the HIGHLIGHT of Mr. Mosely's statement.


While Attaturk could not get invited to the DNC, and instead attended the National Property Manager's Convention in Reno last July, DeDurkheim has managed to infiltrate the Vast Right Wing Conflagrancy this week in New York.

BTW, going undercover is dangerous work, I understand that DeDurkheim almost burned yesterday inside a papermache dragon during one of his "made man" initiations.

While he is on the "inside", I hope he gets to the bottom of the disgusting news that Atrios passed on regarding Oxycontin-Boy and CNN's mindless Head Daryn Kagan. My guess is that Rusty is secretly attracted to trannies with incredibly white teeth (reminds him of Bob Novak). The evidence does seem to point to that.

Hmmm, who else does she bring to mind? Oh, yes.

How is Nostradamus Doing?

Back on July 31, 2004, I made the following Predictions for the Republican Convention Agenda. Let's see how it plays out this week. The predictions were:

August 30, 2004: Remembering 9/11 (Selectively) & Remembering Reagan

August 31, 2004: Tribute to the victims of 9/11 & Say Reagan was a Republican: A Look Back at Him.

September 1, 2004: Sturm & Drang: Stuff we blew Up in revenge for 9/11 and some Iraqis who are happy about it. Say, George Bush is a Republican JUST Like Reagan, did you know that? Now, watch this film about Reagan, narrated by George W. Bush.

September 2, 2004: George W. Bush, a Reagan Republican who blew up a lot of stuff in Remembrance of 9/11.

September 3, 2004, Convention over, but George Bush hits the stump and talks about how the GOP is a party that looks to the future!

So far, so good.

Open Thread

I had about a dozen picture captions done when blogger done went and ate the post before I finished it. Considering all the events this weekend it wasn't bad. Now I'm depressed and have no more time or energy to redo it. Of course, I can lie and say with confidence it was surely the bestest, funniest, most profound series of captions ever written. Truly is was a "CATASTROPHIC SUCCESS"

But the hell with it.

I declare an open thread - which is pretty pathetic. So I'll at least do it in a structured way.


What, no Naked Hooded Guy with Electrodes Hooked up to his Privates?

What more can one really add to this "real" caption.

"Confetti that will dropped at the Republican Convention in Madison Square Garden features images of President George Bush, his wife Laura Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney and his wife Lynne, and the Cheneys' grandson Philip Perry. The pieces of confetti, measuring about one inch in diameter, were photographed in New York Monday, Aug. 30, 2004."

That IS by the way the actual caption. Attaturk takes some relief in the fact that he is not the only person operating without an editor before posting. Of course, we do or posts by ourselves so a missing "BE" here and there is understandable, if not excusable.

Fundamentalist Dilemma

On August 31, 2004 a difficult choice awaits the Christian Fundamentalist;

1. The Passion of the Christ released on DVD

2. The Passion of the Chimp happening on the Tee Vee

3. There has to be some marathon runner out there to tackle somewhere

So many, many choices.

If Reminiscing is What it is all about....

Then Rudy, don't forget about Abner Louima.

Ex-mayor won't shy from 9/11 in speech


NEW YORK — The man who led this city through its darkest days after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks will tell the Republican convention tonight that the nation is stronger because of President Bush — and his supporters should not be afraid to remind voters about the tragedy.

Maybe Dubya can be given the Plunger to the City or something.

Douchebag for Liberty Update

Boy, is there nothing that Bob Novak will not be scummy about?

Among the stoutest defenders of "Unfit for Command: Swift Boat Veterans Speak Out Against John Kerry," the best-selling book arguing that Mr. Kerry lied about his record of service in Vietnam, is the columnist Robert Novak.

In his syndicated columns and on the CNN program "Crossfire," Mr. Novak has lauded the book and referred to veterans who criticize Mr. Kerry - most notably John E. O'Neill, the book's co-author - as "real patriots."

Unmentioned in Mr. Novak's columns and television appearances, however, is a personal connection he has to the book: his son, Alex Novak, is the director of marketing for its publisher, the conservative publishing house Regnery.

In a telephone interview, Robert Novak said he saw no need to disclose the link.

"I don't think it's relevant," he said.

"I'm just functioning as a columnist with a point of view, and a strong point of view," he added.

As a blogger with a point of view, a strong point of view, let me say, "Bob, you are a treasonous scumbag, with fake teeth that look like little marble headstones -- fitting, you're a pussie chancre on humanity."

Sunday, August 29, 2004

Sour Pickles

From Time Magazine.

Do you think these swift-boat ads are unfair to John Kerry?

Do I think they're unfair? Not really. There have been millions of terrible ads against my husband.

Well, I guess now is the time to bring out the fact that in your younger years you mowed down your boyfriend with your wheels.

Saturday, August 28, 2004

PT Boat Veterans for Truth

A group of World War II veterans have now joined in the crusade to correct abuses of war awards. A group calling itself PT Boat Veterans for Truth have released a statement at their first press conference claiming that John F. Kennedy incorrectly received awards for acts of bravery after his PT Boat sank after crashing into a German U-Boat. The group's spokesperson, Dr. Mellon stated that: "Kennedy was no hero that day or any other!"

He continued saying that "It is about time that we correct the record. No member of the democratic party ever deserved any medal that they ever received for any so-called bravery in war." When asked if that incredible statement could possibly be true, the spokesperson noted that "we have the finest fair and balanced minds distortingresearching the past to correct this horrible injustice." When pressed to name these 'minds', Dr. Mellon listed a who's who of the extreme right-wing including Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Michael Savage, and others.

Funding for the PT Boat Veterans for truth comes from Richard Mellon Scaife, Sun Moon incorporated, and The Washington Times research grant council. Anyone willing to assist the group in this effort is instructed to visit their nearest mental health facility.

Chickenhawk Excuse Roll Call

Just in time for the Republican Convention, Tom Robbins has given us a useful list of the chickenhawks and their pitiful excuses for avoiding service to this country in war time. So, we here at the Rising Hegemon believe that it is our duty to list additional reasons that these right-wingers could have avoided military service:

1) I just don't want to go
2) The Vietnamese have bad drugs
3) Hard to prepare for world domination while getting your ass shot off
4) Multiple dental appointments
5) Did not want to miss my favorite TV shows
6) It is too hot over there
7) The jungle will mess with my allergies
8) Too hard to exploit tax loop holes while in the jungle
9) I am too busy
10) Are you kidding?
11) I am too important
12) Don't believe everything you read, I am not that patriotic!
13) Do as I say, not as I do

Embedding and Training for GOP Convention

Report #1 Enroute to the GOP Convention

Greeting Rising Hegemon Readers,

I write this enroute to the Republican National Convention on Team Hoot Owl's Bus. I have been through four weeks of reporter training for embeddedness in the GOP fracas known as the national convention. For those of you who have missed my missives on this blog, or at least all three of you who wrote me, those letters kept me going while training and listening to the camp leaders who have been through this incredibly challenging experience before.

When we arrived at Camp Goldwater we were introduced to the camp leaders and assigned into our cabins. Apparently four weeks is considered the barest of training for dealing with the wild, vindictive, and irrationality of thousands of rabid right and nut wingers in a small convention space. I was assigned to Team Hoot Owl, with some reporters from NBC, The Daily Show, and some obscure Marxist newspapers, Weekly World Labor Working Person's News, or something like that. They smelled like onions and bad cigarettes and I thought, "hmmmmm... I wonder how they will do at the convention, someone like DeLay will eat you for breakfast."

Day one. We all were shaved, got hair cuts, and were given suits from Brooks Brothers (even the women), new glasses, and briefcases. I really like the red power ties. So, 1980s. Go Duran Duran. Uh Oh, our team leader told me that I should forget about music like Duran Duran. Focus on country. Ok, this is going to be tough. The Daily Show correspondents cried themselves to sleep.

Day two. Apparently, Peter Jennings -- Team Hoot Owl's leader -- has been through this many times. We were warned about the dangers of being alone near Matty Drudge, how to compliment O'Reilly to avoid being stoned by his no-spinsters evil followers, and what to do if Cheney swears at you. Good day. The Marxists seem to really enjoy their suit and ties. They don't smell any more although the correspondents from NBC don't look so good.

Day three - seven. Apparently, no matter where you are embedded it is important to carry jelly beans. Something about the Reagan favorite candy can help smooth over questioning right-wingers. Also, we learned not to look the crazed right wingers in the eye. Very important. Apparently, Ann Coulter killed some journalists who were embedded with Sean Hannity at the last GOP convention. We did lots of physical training. Also, we had a fascinating seminar on how to argue with Republicans led by Rush Limbaugh. Apparently he has to raise money for some legal problems.

Day eight - nine. People are starting to hunger for news. The camp counselors have told us that to prepare us for denial of fact, truth, and history we have to embrace a lack of news and information. Nod along to established truth from "leaders" and look enraptured all the time. This is hard. When Lead Hoot Owl Jen Jen (hey, its what he wants to be called) held up a picture of Bush, so we could look enraptured the Marxists stormed the stage and attacked the picture. No dessert for them tonight. Man, they look bummed.

Day ten. Today we were given The Washington Times and access to The Druge Report to read for news. Almost bashed my head in with a rock but The Daily Show correspondent talked me down. Tough day.

Day Ten - fourteen. Practice, practice, practice. How to interview Christian Coalition types. Must read all of Bible, especially that really weird last chapter. The Marxists really seemed to get into this. I guess they are used to a lot of reading.

Week Three. Constant drilling. How to slink away from Cheney. How to offer a pretzel to Bush. Stay away from Michael Savage. Run from Coulter. Hide from Drudge. I am drained. The physical training is intense. I have lost ten pounds. Every time I want to eat they show us footage from Fox news. I have finally gotten to the point where I can keep some milk down. I miss my mommy.

Day Twenty four. Sorry I could not write for a while. We had several days of intense conservative training. Boy, this Goldwater guy is really important to these people. Scary. The guy wanted to use nukes. Man, if not for Lead Hoot Owl Jen Jen Bing Bang Bong's reassurance I think I would crack. Those Marxist guys seem to be thriving though. Strange. The smell and strange look in their eyes seems different. In fact, at lunch today they actually applauded a taped Cheney speech. Something bad is happening. I know a lot of us look like walking wounded but we must be ready for this convention.

Day Twenty Six. Graduation is tomorrow. I feel like I can handle any assignment I receive. Where will I be embedded? That is all the talk at camp. Where will we be embedded? Will they believe in medicine? Will they not mind cameras and recording equipment? Just give me something where I can conduct interviews and I will be fine.

Day Twenty Seven. Assignments have been handed out. I am depressed. I have been assigned Veggie Tales. What? Huh? Apparently those Christian animated Vegetables are going to be at the convention. I just about hit lead hooter Jen Jen man, until he told me that is not the worst assignment. The holy veggies have an "in" with the younger convention-goers and W is apparently a huge fan of their videos. And so is Karl Rove, so I might actually be able to talk to someone.

We were also given our pseudonyms, apparently I am going to be Jonah Greenberg, Israeli Spy. I hope this works. I have invested too much. Oh, the Marxists have it bad. They are embedded with Ann Coulter. We all prayed for them before we left camp.

Today. We all left in busses for New York and the convention hotel. I should be ready to begin tomorrow. The lead hoot owl prayed for our safety. Here we go.

Um, Kerry folks...

Digby and others have good talking points for you guys if you wish to use them.

Bush admitted "miscalculating" the post-war Iraqi situation.

The Bush Administration has apparently been heavily influnced by one Iranian (Chalabi) and one Israeli (Larry Franklin it is reported) agent in their Iraqi war and occupation planning.

Both Chalabi and Franklin were under the two biggest supporters of invasion in the Deparment of Defense Wolfowitz and Feith.

So isn't it apparent that the argument should be...

Bush miscalculated because he allowed foreign agents to dictate American Military and Foreign Policy.
In just one sentence you pretty much touch upon some part of the angst of all Americans from far left to far right in one sentence.

- Bad Wars via Foreign Influence.

Works for me.

One Last Terror Warning for the Road...

Now that the Swift-Boat Liars story is starting to Backfire;

Now that, yet another, foreign government has managed to help us get into a major clusterfuck;

It must be time to get out another terror-warning.

Tommy Skillet-Face, you're on...

Al-Qaeda terrorists looking for a U.S. military target might try to attack a Veterans Affairs hospital rather than a base or other high-security installation, the FBI and Homeland Security Department warn in a new nationwide terrorism bulletin.

Although U.S. authorities say there is no credible intelligence about a specific threat against such hospitals, the bulletin said there have been persistent reports of suspicious activity at medical facilities throughout the United States.

Okay, we don't really have any credible evidence, but let's just throw this out there.

I think by October, we will be hearing this...From Sludge...


Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge warned that in the coming weeks people need to be on guard, and may wish to stay home during their free time to protect their cute little puppies and soft furry little kittens.

Though admitting the Department lacked credible evidence, Ridge said that there has been much chatter on the web and other sources that Al Qaeda was looking to act against our nations cutest, most innocent friends. At a press conference, Secretary Ridge announced, "While we don't do politics in the Department of Homeland Security, it is clear that only the strong devotion of President Bush can save our nation's adorable pets."

The Department is raising the alert level to "Orange" in those homes owning pets and putting out new informational posters.

Vote Bush/Cheney 2004, Or We're Gonna Die!

Professor Cole Pretty Much Sums up My Feelings on Likud

From Informed Consent:

Note that over 80% of American Jews vote Democrat, that the majority of American Jews opposed the Iraq war (more were against it than in the general population), and that American Jews have been enormously important in securing civil liberties for all Americans. Moreover, Israel has been a faithful ally of the US and deserves our support in ensuring its security. The Likudniks like to pretend that they represent American Jewry, but they do not. And they like to suggest that objecting to their policies is tantamount to anti-Semitism, which is sort of like suggesting that if you don't like Chile's former dictator Pinochet, you are bigotted against Latinos.

As can be seen by Lobe's list, WINEP supplies rightwing intellectuals to Republican administrations, who employ their positions to support Likud policies from within the US government. They have the advantage over long-time civil servants in units like the State Department's Intelligence and Research division, insofar as they are politically connected and so have the ear of the top officials.


AIPAC currently has a project to shut up academics such as myself, the same way it has shut up Congress, through congressional legislation mandating "balance" (i.e. pro-Likud stances) in Middle East programs at American Universities. How long the US public will allow itself to be spied on and pushed around like this is a big question. And, with the rise of international terrorism targeting the US in part over these issues, the fate of the country hangs in the balance.

If al-Qaeda succeeds in another big attack, it could well tip the country over into military rule, as Gen. Tommy Franks has suggested. That is, the fate of the Republic is in danger. And the danger comes from two directions, not just one. It comes from radical extremists in the Muslim world, who must be fought. But it also comes from radical extremists in Israel, who have key allies in the US and whom the US government actively supports and against whom influential Americans are afraid to speak out.

If I had been in power on September 11, I'd have called up Sharon and told him he was just going to have to withdraw to 1967 borders, ore face the full fury of the United States. Israel would be much better off inside those borders, anyway. It can't absorb 3 million Palestinians and retain its character, and it can't continue to hold 3 million Palestinians as stateless hostages without making itself inhumane and therefore un-Jewish. And then I'd have thrown everything the US had at al-Qaeda in Afghanistan, and frog-marched Bin Laden off to justice, and rebuilt Afghanistan to ensure that al-Qaeda was permanently denied a base there. Iraq, well, Iraq was contained.

Even on discussion boards the latter is true. I am a strong supporter of Israel, but make no mistake, I am a stronger supporter of Labour over Likud, the latter is controlled by a wing that makes Neo-Cons seem like moderates. Supporting Israel is, decidedly not a blank check, but too often the discourse in our country at present makes it so. To criticize Israel in America is too often portrayed as Anti-Semitism, it is a poisonous as any topic in American politics, and inappropriately so.

A New Kind of Outsourcing

Not content with the loss of thousands of jobs to overseas companies, the Bush Administration apparently believes that the growth of the global economy is so important it should even be tried out in espionage.

Only now has the complete picture been made clear.

Oh, sure, we lost one American undercover position in Valerie Plame.

But we have gained two additional foreign government-employed spies working within the American Economy.

Iraqi-born freedom and money loving Iranian Spy, Ahmed Chalabi, and now it appears an Israeli spy. Both working for the Deparment of Defense and tied to Paul Wolfowitz and Doug Feith.

Now some Americans might think that Wolfowitz and Feith should have been fired for many other reasons long ago, but now we see the far-seeing policy of the Bush Administration in action.

And look at them now, why I bet one of them is going to be DOD employee of the week.

That is just dandy.

Thank you President Bush.

Friday, August 27, 2004

The Unbearable Whiteness of Blogging

What bloggers are going to be at the RNC?

Check 'em out, the Washington Generals.

Oh well, at least they will have the common experience of enjoying Foghat.

Great Scotties in History

I may be forgetting one, but it seems to me that three Scottish Terriers have played a major role in American History the last 60 years. Let's go to the history to determine their contributions and importance.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt's Fala.

-- Is part of historical statuary.
-- Able to control the United States Navy.
-- Only "actual" Dog we know of that was politically attacked.

Eisenhower's Scottie Telek

-- Kept Ike's mind off Kay Summersby and on Mamie.
-- Helped beat back the huns and that bitch Blondi.

Bush's Dog Barney:

-- Able to survive long falls.
-- Knows when to take a dump.
-- Forced to visit Rick Santorum.

Commentor Joshowitz makes a important point. Bush is double-plus good when it comes to Scotties.

The Widow of Don Droz speaks

Don Droz is the deceased Swift Boat Captain present at many of Kerry's medal winning events and was Kerry's best friend in Vietnam.

He was killed in Vietnam on April 12, 1969, shortly after Kerry was shipped home.

His wife wrote an article today for the NY Times:

On Feb. 28, 1969, my husband was the commander of one of three Swift boats traveling the Dong Cung in Vietnam to carry troops and supplies upriver. The events of that day, and what happened almost two weeks later on another Swift boat patrol, have become a source of controversy in the presidential campaign, with a group of veterans saying that John Kerry did not deserve the medals he won for what he did then. I know my husband thought otherwise.

The other two commanders - John Kerry and William Rood, an editor at The Chicago Tribune - have written of the courage they witnessed on Feb. 28. My husband, Lt. j.g. Donald Droz, who grew up in a small Missouri town and was a 1966 graduate of the United States Naval Academy, wrote to me about it in a letter dated March 6, 1969:

"I had quite a morning... Admiral [Elmo] Zumwalt, Commander Naval Forces Vietnam, flew to An Thoi from Saigon ... for a special awards presentation. To make a somewhat long story short, PCF's 23, 94 and 43 conducted an operation February 28th which we pulled off rather spectacularly. Anyway, for my part, I was awarded the Bronze Star Medal with Combat 'V.' I don't mean to blow my own horn, but I really am pleased with the award, and it is a rather significant medal. I'll bring the citation with me to Hawaii."


But before that meeting, Don and John Kerry and others were involved in another battle, on March 13. Don did not write to me about that battle. But he did tell me about it during our five days together in Hawaii - when he met our daughter for the first time, and held her for what turned out to be the last time.

In Hawaii, Don mostly talked about the future: how he wanted to come home, go to graduate school and then become involved in public service. But he also talked about Vietnam: about how much respect all the "Swifties" had for one another. I remember him saying that John Kerry was heading home, deservedly so, and that he admired his bravery and planned to see him that summer.

Don also talked about how hard it was to be in a situation where no one knew what was around the next bend or what the "rules" were or who was friend and who was foe. He told me he was convinced that what the United States was doing in Vietnam was pointless or worse and that, when he got home, he intended to speak out against it. But he was clear - and I have always understood - that he was criticizing the war itself and those who were deciding how to wage it, not those who were putting their lives on the line to do their duty honestly and bravely.

Those who had the courage to fight in Vietnam and, when they returned home, to tell of the reality of what they saw deserve our admiration. I am certain my husband would have been as appalled as I am at the spectacle of some veterans questioning others' service.

Don died on April 12, 1969, just two weeks after we said goodbye in Hawaii and two months before he would have come home. Ever since, I have felt a special obligation to speak the truth as I know he would have done.

So, once again, go to hell Chickenhawks and your lying goddamned tools.

Miscellaneous Lifeform Blogging Friday

This week, we slow down from the frenetic life that we have explored the last two weeks, the slug and sponge respectively. We now move on to a life-form that lives a more relaxed life style.

Let's move kingdoms and pay tribute to Physarum polycephalum,

Commonly Known as the Slime Mold.

Oh, true, we don't really know what the hell it is, and it isn't pretty to our eyes...but then again it doesn't need to be pretty, it is self-reproducing. It only has sex with itself.

In other words, it lives the life of the common Free Republic denizen.

Our Preznit Isn't Learnin'

One of the most idiotic interviews given by an American President (probably ably assisted with the involvement of Elisabeth Bumiller):

Item #1: Still cannot Say "I was wrong":

Mr. Bush also acknowledged for the first time that he made a "miscalculation of what the conditions would be'' in postwar Iraq. But he insisted that the 17-month-long insurgency that has upended the administration's plans for the country was the unintended by-product of a "swift victory'' against Saddam Hussein's military, which fled and then disappeared into the cities, enabling them to mount a rebellion against the American forces far faster than Mr. Bush and his aides had anticipated.

He insisted that his strategy had been "flexible enough'' to respond, and said that even now "we're adjusting to our conditions'' in places like Najaf, where American forces have been battling one of the most militant of the Shiite groups opposing the American-installed government.

Mr. Bush deflected efforts to inquire further into what went wrong with the occupation, suggesting that such questions should be left to historians, and insisting, as his father used to, that he would resist going "on the couch'' to rethink decisions.

Yes, George its been brilliantly adjusted to, I think we can see that. Why rethink decisions made without thought in the first place. After all, not thinking never leads to miscalculations does it?

Item #2:

On environmental issues, Mr. Bush appeared unfamiliar with an administration report delivered to Congress on Wednesday that indicated that emissions of carbon dioxide and other heat-trapping gases were the only likely explanation for global warming over the last three decades.

I believe the technically accurate response would be, "the President put his hands over his ears and said, "la la la I can't hear you."

As a supplement, Mr. Bush said:

Asked why the administration had changed its position on what causes global warming, Mr. Bush replied, "Ah, we did? I don't think so."

T-o-o S-t-u-p-i-d t-o b-e P-r-e-s-i-d-e-n-t!

Item #3:

Mr. Bush also took issue with Mr. Kerry's argument, in an interview at the end of May with The New York Times, that the Bush administration's focus on Iraq had given North Korea the opportunity to significantly expand its nuclear capability. Showing none of the alarm about the North's growing arsenal that he once voiced regularly about Iraq, he opened his palms and shrugged when an interviewer noted that new intelligence reports indicate that the North may now have the fuel to produce six or eight nuclear weapons.

He said that in North Korea's case, and in Iran's, he would not be rushed to set deadlines for the countries to disarm, despite his past declaration that he would not "tolerate'' nuclear capability in either nation. He declined to define what he meant by "tolerate.''

"I don't think you give timelines to dictators,'' Mr. Bush said, speaking of North Korea's president, Kim Jong Il, and Iran's mullahs.

No timelines to dictators? Gee, I guess Iraq under Hussein was more democratic than we were led to believe.

Item #4:

"I'm confident that over time this will work - I certainly hope it does,''

Well, that is comforting.

Item #5:

But when pressed repeatedly if he would specifically denounce the advertisements, which Mr. Kerry has said were being run with the tacit approval of the Bush campaign, the president refused to condemn then. Instead, he said he would talk only of the "broader issue'' of the political committees that take to the airwaves with attack advertisements.

"Five twenty-sevens - I think these ought to be outlawed,'' he said. "I think they should have been outlawed a year ago. We have billionaires writing checks, large checks, to influence the outcome of the election.''

Would someone please explain the FIRST AMENDMENT to the Simpleton-in-Chief please?

Krispy Kreme Earnings Down

From the AP:

Shares in the doughnut-maker fell more than 10 percent, a slide that began almost immediately after Krispy Kreme announced that it earned $5.7 million, or 9 cents per share, in the three months ending Aug. 1, compared with $13 million, or 21 cents per share, a year earlier.

Might I suggest they are killing off their customer base?

Headline Funnies

The AP puts out this Headline to a Story:

White House Proposes Intelligence Changes

Are they proposing it be added?

Campaign Profundity

You know most of your President's go by their initials, "TR", "FDR", "JFK", "LBJ". But that is all a bit complicated for Bush. On and editorial note, may I suggest that if we are going to use "W", it might be reserved for this guy?

This is from the actual AP caption, "Bush goes into the Republican convention next week mocking Democrat John Kerry's glamorous Hollywood support base and pitching instead to America's rural heartland with 'family values' entertainers." In other words...Bush's entertainers SUCK!

I imagine some freeper is making fun of this picture at the moment. But not John Cornyn. Meanwhile, let's see Bush get get this close to livestock, yah, like that'll happen.

George Bush's two worst nightmares in one picture.

The Bush Administration decries the Kerry Campaign's use of such radical entertainers as Tony Bennett.

The Higher Father looks down upon Bush..."Hmmm, this free will stuff I gave 'em kind of stinks. A Lightning Bolt would be sooooo tempting."

Reuters gets its rapture pictures ready at a Bush Rally.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Lame-Bro, Bush DOD had contact with Afghan Bounty Hunter

When we last checked in with Jungle Jack Idema he was claiming he had contact with the Bush Administration Department of Defense officials and they were denying it.

Gee, another erroneous denial (usually called lies).

When Jack Idema first appeared in court last month, he was asked to name names to prove his claims to have had links with the US Department of Defense.

One he mentioned was Heather Anderson, the Pentagon's Acting Director of Security, who answers to the chief official responsible for intelligence matters in the office of Donald Rumsfeld, the US Defence Secretary.

Ms Anderson, Idema said, had applauded their work in Afghanistan and had wanted them to go on contract.

Until now, the Department of Defense has refused to acknowledge any contacts at all between itself and the former US soldier who it has described as an unauthorised freelancer.

But a Pentagon official told the BBC that Mr Idema had spoken to Ms Anderson by phone early this year.

After doing some checking on Mr Idema, the official said, she then called him back.

But Ms Anderson had turned down what she said was Mr Idema's request to be taken on by the Pentagon to work in Afghanistan.

That was not the end of the matter.

The official said Mr Idema continued to contact the Pentagon by phone, fax and email, "trying to establish a relationship".

Jack Idema's US-based lawyer, John Tiffany, has rejected the Pentagon's version of events, describing them as completely false.

If they had rebuffed him, he asked, why did they keep taking his phone calls?

So here are two serial liars with opposite stories, one of whom has conceded a portion of the first serial liar's story and tried to explain it away.

Hmmm. Hopefully SOJ at Flogging the Simian will have more on this eventually.

Busy days at Crawford

Another stranger comes knocking on the door at the Ranch...

*knock, knock*

Trough closed door...

Karl Rove: Who's there?
Stranger: Jesus
Karl Rove: Jesus, Who?
Stranger: Jesus Christ, Let me in! [cue rimshot]*

Karl Rove: Jesus Christ, the son of God?
Stranger: In a manner of speaking, yes.
Karl Rove: Go away, we've already got one.
Stranger: Already got one?
Karl Rove: Yes, the President.
Stranger: His father is George Herbert Walker Bush.
Karl Rove: No, no. That is just his lower father.
Stranger: Lower father?
Karl Rove: Hey, it's a meme.
Stranger: Meme? Blessed are the truth-speakers, they shall be awarded with honor.
Karl Rove: This may surprise you, but I don't follow.
Stranger: Look, can I see the owner of the house, if it be not you?
Karl Rove: Look, he's in the back quiver..., I mean busy. Maybe one of his kids can help. Jenna, or not-Jenna? Come here please. [clicky footsteps]

[door opens a crack]

Jenna: Um, hello.
Stranger: Is your father in?
Jenna: Are you, like, a hippy?
Stranger: Um.
Jenna: 'Cause I think your look is pretty cool. Really retro.
Stranger: Thank you. But I came to see your father.
Jenna: You mean my 'lower father'?
Stranger: The man who helped give you life?
Jenna: That would be Ashton Kutcher, he had some strong green.
Stranger: Please, I have a list of commandments and advice to give your father.
Jenna: Say, weren't you in "Lord of the Rings"?
Stranger: What?
Jenna: Do you know Orlando Bloom? Not-Jenna and I think he is sooooo hot!
Stranger: I know of him.
Jenna: Say, aren't you like Gay in real life Gandalf-guy?
Stranger: What?
Jenna: 'Cause I have nothing against that sort of thing, I'm cool with it.
Stranger: Look, I just need to see your father, George.
Jenna: Whoa, chill there Hippy dude, I'll go tell him. [click sounds]

[A moment Later]

Jenna: Look, I think you are fine and all, but Dad is on the phone to Franklin Graham and wants you to wait outside for a bit until he shows up. Later, dude, tell Viggo I think he is really, really hot too.

[Door Slams]

*I kill...and resurrect me.

Book Sales, this is how Conservatives Do It

From Publisher's Weekly, via JuliusBlog:

Several store managers at Barnes & Noble and Borders spent the weekend fending off complaints from customers that the two chains were refusing to sell the book, which attempts to debunk Kerry's claim's about his war record. Meanwhile, independent and chain booksellers say they've been burned by bulk orders for Unfit and another liberal-blasting title, Michael Moore is a Big Fat Idiot (Regan Books), made under a bogus name....

She calls the phone called "creepy and irritating," adding, "It's both men and women calling. And they sound very orchestrated, like people are being told what to say. They want to know how many books I have on order and whether I will have stacks in the store. When I said that Unfit was on backorder, they wanted to know our distributor. That's pretty sophisticated for a layperson to ask about. I deeply resent being told what to carry. I'm not supported by tax money, this is my store."...

This, of course, is how Conservatives often get their books on the best-seller lists. It must really piss off a P.J. O'Rourke or George Will, who whether you agree with them or not, generally get their books on the best-seller list the old-fashioned way, by getting people to buy them individually. Meanwhile, these guys watch utter hacks like O'Reilly, Coulter, Limbaugh, and now this excrement get up on the sales charts because of an orchestrated campaign to pump up sales, or buy bulk orders by conservative interest groups.

Somewhere Dubya was Stuffin' up the Flightsuit

So Bush, fearing to confront an angry Vietnam Vet in a wheelchair gets on the blower and request about the lowest rung on the Texas State Election Hierarchy, Jerry Patterson, who happens to be a Vietnam Vet to drop whatever he is doing (probably not much) and get up to the Ranch to save his scrawny ass.

"Oh, and Jerry, make sure you wear your little Veteran Hat."

Kind of embarassing it turns out that the financier of the not-so-Swift Boaters is also a major contributor to this guy to the tune of $150,000.

But it could be worse, there could be an embarassing picture...


Well at least there will not be any kind of embarassing statements...

"I tried to accept that letter and he would not give it to me," said Patterson. "He would not face me. He kept rolling away from me. He's quite mobile."


The Whole World is Watching...

While New York tries to keep those nasty liberals from "killing the grass", the real modern version of 'the Weathermen' may be brewing in Iraq.

As bad as it was in 1968 in Chicago of course, the number of deaths was minimal compared to this:

An attack on the Kufa mosque Thursday morning killed at least 25 people and wounded about 60 others as they gathered around the holy site for peaceful protests to end the violence in neighboring Najaf.

After the attack, the demonstrators continued their rally and began marching toward Najaf. They came under sniper fire, the source of which could not be determined.

The mosque took two direct hits and another mortar or rocket landed just outside the mosque, witnesses said.

Naturally, the party blamed was...

The demonstrators said they clashed with Iraqi police overnight and early Thursday, but police had left the area before the attack Thursday morning.

Al-Sadr supporters are among the demonstrators.

Some witnesses said they believe the mortars or rockets came from a nearby U.S. military base, a little over a mile (2 km) away.

I guess that means the United States will have to drag out Al-Zarqawi again.

Meanwhile, Sistani is "...about to lay the Hammer Down"

Grand Ayatollah Ali Sistani entered Iraq from Kuwait in a convoy guarded by Iraqi police and settled in the southern city of Basra for the night with plans to drive the 230 miles to Najaf on Thursday.

Red Pill or Blue Pill?

Sistani will return to a city barely recognizable as one of the holiest locales in Shiite Islam. Tank, mortar and air bombardment have shattered whole streets and reduced to rubble sections of the neighborhoods adjoining the immediate vicinity of the mosque...

"It looks like Sarajevo down there," said Lt. Col. Jim Rainey, commander of the 7th Regiment's 2nd Battalion, referring to the capital of Bosnia, which was severely disfigured during the Balkan wars of the mid-1990s.

It is going to be an interesting next few days.

A Chip off the Old "Y"

Why, Republicans lament, can our paragon's children not be more like Maggies?

"Ronald Reagan Jr. is a liberal for Gipper's sake? All we ever got is Michael...who apparently was the by-product of a romantic tryst between a 'Cardboard Box' and a 'Rotweiller'."

But Margaret Thatcher's boy Mark? Now there is a descendant worthy of his predecessor's genes. The English know how to do it (Never mind Edward II ["You're going to do WHAT with that red-hot poker?!]).

He said Sir Mark had been arrested because of indications "he has contravened the Foreign Military Assistance Act of South Africa which prohibits South African residents from assisting in a coup or military activities outside South Africa without authorisation of the South African government".

"We allege he is one of the financiers of the coup to overthrow the government of Equatorial Guinea and we have received credible evidence that he has assisted financially in that regard," he added.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Well, He'll Always Have Paris

There's never a need for syrup of ipecac when you go cruising over at the blog belonging to the slowest law prof in the 'Volunteer State'.

Amazingly, not any recent mentions of CAMBODIA!

But when a former French colony is no longer available, why not go right to the original source. Things just haven't been right in France for Glenn since Vichy.

Viva le Hitler Bush!


Of course, while he apparently thinks Overlord and Dragoon were mistakes because France managed to oppose the plan of God's misbegotten Son, the Plame thing is still all too confusing for him, except for this. Again, how is this guy a law professor?


Freeway Blogger pretty much beat me to posting up something along the lines of what I was thinking of doing for Friday's attempted humor post...with the exception of doing it well.

I'll have to think of something else to afflict you with.

Oh, Oh. This May Not be Pretty

Sistani is coming back to Iraq...and he's apparently pissed at the United States, i.e. the Steely-Eyed Stuffed Flightsuited Manly Man who skipped out on fightin' the Cong (SESFMMWSOOFTC), aka, "the Chimp".

Iraq's most influential Shi'ite cleric will return to the country within hours and wants Iraqis to march on the "burning city" of Najaf, where fresh fighting erupted near a sacred shrine on Wednesday.

Cleric Aides to Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani refused to say when he would arrive or if he would go straight to his home in Najaf after getting heart treatment in London for three weeks.

The news of his imminent return came as U.S. and Iraqi forces tightened their grip around Mehdi Army militants loyal to a rebel cleric who have holed up in Najaf's Imam Ali mosque.

The call to march on Najaf by the Shi'ite moderate, who has said little about a crisis that has killed hundreds and undermined the authority of interim Prime Minister Iyad Allawi, could escalate passions among the majority Shi'ite community.

"Najaf is burning. Ayatollah al-Sistani is on his way back and calls on Iraqis from all provinces to join him in the holy city," aide Hamed al-Khafaf said by telephone from Beirut.

It will be interesting to see what Professor Cole has to say about this, but I cannot imagine it is necessary a predictable thing.

One wonders what Sistani is going to think when he sees how Najaf is looking after a seige of nearly a month.

If We Don't Continue to Fuck Up...the Terrorists Win

Hey, well at least it's a theme...

Let me see if I get this straight.

Rummy purges officers who challenge he and Wolfowitz's estimates on troops for Iraq;

Rummy has no real plan for the occupation;

Rummy issues Orders about sneaking around the Geneva Convention;

Rummy allows a 75 to 1 ratio of prisoner's to guards making abuse certain;

But Rummy shouldn't resign...because that would send a bad signal to the world?

What is the bad signal? Apparentl, no matter how much you fuck up in the Bush Administration you will not get fired (tax policy opinions exempted)?

Yep, send the signal to the World, that we do not admit responsibility for any problems.

Good idea.

Now its just a sign of mental illness, or a social disorder

To believe anything about the Swiftless.

Well, well, well.

If you didn't know that John O'Neil was a congenital liar by, oh the hairpiece, or:

The Association,

Or maybe just by his words:

How do I know he's not in Cambodia? I was on the same river, George. I was there two months after him. Our patrol area ran to Sedek, it was 50 miles from Cambodia. There isn't any watery border. The Mekong River's like the Mississippi. There were gunboats stationed right up there to stop people from coming. And our boats didn't go north of, only slightly north of Sedek. So it was a made up story. He's told it over 50 times, George, that was on the floor of the Senate.

...from NewsMax (lord help me never have to go there again)

Kerry [conclude the authors] was never in Cambodia during Christmas 1968 or at all during the Vietnam War In reality, during Christmas 1968, he was more than fifty miles away from Cambodia. Kerry was never ordered into Cambodia by anyone and would have been court-martialed had he gone there.”

When talking to Tricky Dick in 1971:

O'NEILL: I was in Cambodia, sir. I worked along the border on the water.

NIXON: In a swift boat?

O'NEILL: Yes, sir.

You should know O'Neill is a liar by now.

Poor Glenn Reynolds, and I understand the Musical he was working on, "John Kerry's Non-Cambodian Christmas" had some really catchy numbers.

Media Matters has a longer list of O'Neill's lies without, at the moment, this most recent one, so it will soon be longer.

And what about Larry Thurlow or the others disputing the rescue of Rassman saying there was no gunfire. Well, that isn't going to well either...I should say it's going even worse than it was over the weekend...

The Navy task force overseeing John Kerry (news - web sites)'s swift boat squadron in Vietnam reported that his group of boats came under enemy fire during a March 13, 1969, incident that three decades later is being challenged by the Democratic presidential nominee's critics.

The March 18, 1969, weekly report from Task Force 115, which was located by The Associated Press during a search of Navy archives, is the latest document to surface that supports Kerry's description of an event for which he won a Bronze Star and a third Purple Heart.

The Task Force report twice mentions the incident five days earlier and both times calls it "an enemy initiated firefight" that included automatic weapons fire and underwater mines used against a group of five boats that included Kerry's.

Task Force 115 was commanded at the time by retired Rear Adm. Roy Hoffmann, the founder of the group Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, which has been running ads challenging Kerry's account of the episode...

The document, part of thousands of pages of records housed at the Naval Historical Center, is one of several that say Kerry and other servicemen were shot at from the banks of the Bay Hap River on March 13, 1969. The Associated Press located the document Tuesday during a search of available records...

The anti-Kerry group has not produced any official Navy documents supporting [their] claim, however. The man Kerry rescued, Jim Rassmann, and the crew of Kerry's boat all say there was gunfire from both banks of the river at the time...

Thurlow's medal recommendation, for example, says he helped the PCF-3 crew "under constant enemy small arms fire." That recommendation is signed by George Elliott, another member of the anti-Kerry group. It lists as the only witness for the incident Robert Eugene Lambert, an enlisted man who was not on Kerry's boat who also won the Bronze Star that day.

Have they stopped lying, or are their lips still moving?

This isn't even Fair to Kevin Bacon

The connection between the Bush Campaign and its principal outside legal advisor and the Swift Boat liars is the same connection you and your siblings have to your mother.

Karl Rove wants you to suckle upon him.

Metaphorically Yours....

From Tuesday's Washington Post.

Why we love Dubya's dog, Barney: He's a real party pooper. The lovable little Scottie left his own mark on President Bush's news conference yesterday in Crawford, Tex., when he appeared about 15 feet behind his master, squatted on the lawn and did his business. "This is perhaps why the president does not let him in the Oval Office," a witness in the press corps quipped.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Swift Bloaters for Revisionism, More Connections

Golly gee willikers even more connections between the Bush Campaign and the Swift-Boaters.

A lawyer for President Bush's re-election campaign disclosed Tuesday that he has been providing legal advice for a veterans group that is challenging Democratic Sen. John Kerry's account of his Vietnam War service.

Benjamin Ginsberg's acknowledgment marks the second time in days that an individual associated with the Bush-Cheney campaign has been connected to the group Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, which Kerry has accused of being a front for the Republican incumbent's re-election effort.

The Bush campaign and the veterans' group say there is no coordination.

The group "came to me and said, 'We have a point of view we want to get into the First Amendment debate right now. There's a new law. It's very complicated. We want to comply with the law, will you keep us in the bounds of the law?'" Ginsberg said in an interview with The Associated Press. "I said yes, absolutely, as I would do for anyone."

Gee, for anybody?

Dear Mr. Ginsberg,

I am a communist sodomite, who would like to purchase advertisements on the television...

I like how Ginsberg can just not notice the elephant (so to speak) in the room...its not so much the Swifties Mr. Ginsberg...YOU work for the Bush Campaign shithead!

They Can't All be Liars? Sorry Bob Dole, but Bob Dole was wrong when Bob Dole said such a Thing. Bob Dole should be ashamed of Bob Dole

Oh, lordy I love the long headers.

Alright Atrios links to Media Matters smack down of the only possible credible liar, Steve Gardner, being found to be a liar.

Naturally, the liar Gardner has been used by the Right Wing Bloviators (aka Known Liars) to be the thin reed upon which most of the Swifties' remaining lies are based. So the liars, last liar, relied upon by other liars, has lied the last lie.

To paraphrase Kerry (make sure you use the Boston Accent).

Who will be the last liar, to lie for a lie?

Well, maybe this guy.

Alfred French of the Clackamas County district attorney's office appears in the ad sponsored by the group Swift Boat Veterans for Truth. In the spot, French says: "I served with John Kerry. ... He is lying about his record."

Before recording the ad, French signed an affidavit that said: "I am able to swear, as I do hereby swear, that all facts and statements contained in this affidavit are true and correct and within my personal knowledge and belief."

It goes on to say that "Kerry has wildly exaggerated and lied about his record in Vietnam" and that he received his Purple Heart medals "in the absence of hostile fire."

In an interview with The Oregonian newspaper last week, French said he relied on the accounts of three other veterans in making the statement about Kerry and did not personally witness the events. French did not return two messages left at his office Monday.

"As a senior assistant district attorney, you know as well as we do that that kind of ridiculous statement would never pass muster in a court of law," veteran Terry Kirsch said of French's account.

A lawyer claiming first-hand knowledge of a LIE, when he is, in fact, relying upon hearsay?

Oh, good, that reflects real smarts.

Broadcast Media -- I Know you prefer Scurrilous Liars, but...

Perhaps you might take a few moments out of your Bush Blowjobbing Day to Note the following:

A high-level panel investigating U.S. military detention operations has concluded that top Pentagon officials and the military command in Iraq contributed to an environment in which detainees were abused at Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq, a defense official said on Tuesday.

The independent Pentagon panel headed by former Defense Secretary James Schlesinger found that Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and the Joint Chiefs of Staff failed to exercise proper oversight over confusing detention policies at U.S. prisons in Iraq, Afghanistan and Cuba, the official said.

Well, at least we know Rummy won't get fired over such minor piffle as contributing to the United States' Militaries greatest embarassment since My Lai.

Nice Teeth.

No Connection to Bob Perry & Bush

Bob Perry, the financier of the 527 Swift-Boat Liars for Bush, is alleged to have no connection to the Bush Campaign. Of course, this is a lie and Josh Marshall provides even more evidence from the Dallas Morning News:

Houston home builder Bob Perry, a key bankroller for Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, is listed as the co-host of a New York City fund-raiser next week for the Harris County GOP, whose guest list includes President Bush's top political adviser...

Invitations to the Harris County reception and fund-raiser Sept. 1 at Tavern on the Green name Mr. Perry as an event sponsor, and those on the invitation list include former President George Bush, presidential adviser Karl Rove and House Majority Leader Tom DeLay.

Amazingly, just like last some Swiftless Boaters last week in Florida when caught working with the Bush Campaign, Perry dragged his knuckles up off the ground, rubbed is low protruding brow and grunted, "Me not know, Me no Go".


Poor Glenn Reynolds

Once again he learns that redundantly posting and posting and posting whatever the Corner or Freeperworld tells him, doesn't make it true, in fact, it makes it LESS likely (I'm such a cockeyed optimist...Reynolds, learn? Hah!).

But if it is a "talking point" or a "mantra" it is true right?

Well in that case:

Instapundit's a fool,
Instapundit's a fool,
Instapundit's a fool,
Instapundit's a fool,
Instapundit's a fool.

Oh, wait a minute, no need to repeat it, because it is true from the first line.

The blogger bound and determined to show that he's a toady to whatever the Right-Wing vomits up, has been screaming incessantly about Kerry & Cambodia for a few weeks now, getting ever angrier about the fact the mainstream press isn't focusing enough upon it. (No links, I'm not giving Reynolds hits, even minimal ones)

Nevermind the fact that we cannot even discover where in hell along the Gulf Coast of AMERICA that George Bush was during a huge gap in his service, it is all Kerry in Cambodia all the time.

Well, sorry Glenn, but the Cambodia thing is, as it should be, a non-starter because, as Fred Kaplan shows, it's accurate.

We know that Kerry's boat and two others were in those reeds on Christmas Eve '68.

The Cambodian special forces' incursions—which were conducted without the knowledge, much less approval, of Congress—were escalating around that time. Just over a month later, on Feb. 9, 1969, Gen. Creighton Abrams, commander of U.S. forces in Vietnam, requested a B-52 bombing attack on a Communist camp inside Cambodia. (Richard Nixon, the new president, approved the plan on March 17; the first strikes of Operation Breakfast—the secret bombing of Cambodia—started the next day.) Shawcross writes that special forces were always sent across the border to survey the area for targets just before an air operation.

Did Kerry cross the border or just go up to it? We may never know for sure. Not much paperwork exists for covert operations (officially, U.S. forces weren't in Cambodia). Nor is it likely that a canny Swift-boat skipper (and Kerry was nothing if not canny) would jot down thoughts about such covert operations in a diary on a boat that might be captured by the enemy.

The circumstances at least suggest that Kerry was indeed involved in a "black" mission, even if he had never explicitly made that claim. And why would he make such claims if he hadn't been? It was neither a glamorous nor a particularly admirable mission—certainly nothing to boast of.

But one thing is for sure: Lieut. Kerry did not spend that Christmas Eve just lying around, dreaming of sugarplums and roasted chestnuts. He had plenty of time to cover the 40 miles from the Cambodian border to the safety of Sa Dec (he did command a swift boat, after all). More to the point, the evidence indicates he did cover those 40 miles: He was near (or in?) Cambodia in the morning, in Sa Dec that night.

Glenn Reynolds is no more a historical scholar than he is impartial and objective in these matters. He's taken the Swift-Boat Choad because it fits into the meme picture they wish to portray about Kerry, or any liberal, that they couldn't possibly be brave, vigorous, or strong.

It would be sad, but for the fact that so many people hit his site. It is passing on baseless slanders.

The truth is that the Vietnam conflict was a tragedy, particularly for residents of southeast Asia, but also for us. There were a variety of illegal actions that occurred without the consent of Congress or the knowledge of the people.

Not only are conservatives trying to keep Kerry out of the White House, they are trying to do two other things. One, re-write history regarding Vietnam. Two, keep people off of this other discomforting fact -- illegal acts in Vietnam having occurred at the direction of the Executive Branch (LBJ & Nixon) the likelihood of similar malfeasance in the current Executive is also there.

-- Abu Ghraib;
-- Overstating WMD;
-- Lack of Planning for Occupation;
-- Capitulation in Fallujah;
-- Demonization of Al Sadr;
-- Manufacturing of Al Qaeda links;
-- Overstating of foreign influence;
-- Overplaying Al Zarqawi;
-- Massive fraud in the disbursement of funds ($8.8 Billion)
-- 80% Desertion Rate, still, in the Iraqi Police & Military;
-- The fact that we only control, to an extent, where our troops are
in Iraq and no other;
-- Losing Bin Laden because we focused too much on Iraq;
-- Giving up Afghanistan to Warlords Again;
-- The Malfeasance of the Pakistanis both in regard to nuclear
secrets and the war on terror.

But who is counting.