Monday, February 21, 2005

Idiot Abroad

Sometimes, the jokes write themselves:

As the leader of the free world George Bush is known to be a busy man. There have also been question-marks in the past over his attention span and dislike of protracted debate, but, even by the standards of the Bush White House, the assembled heads of Europe will be given short shrift tomorrow when they gather to address the President of the United States.

President Bush arrived in Brussels last night for his week-long tour of Europe. When 25 elected heads of state assemble tomorrow in the Justus Lipsius building, which houses the Council of Ministers, eleven of them have been chosen to address the US President on an international matter of importance, they will be allocated a minimal amount of time ­ the betting is five minutes each.

That'll win 'em over.

[Small Door opens to a great room, with a throne]

Rove: "Sit up there on the throne Mr. President."

Dubya: "Okay, boy that King sure was a good listener, I gotta give him that."

Rove: "Yes sir, the eloquent twenty-minute statement you made on your respect for the Belgian peoples' contribution to the waffle industry was quite touching."

Dubya: "Okay, they all get one question each for me, so let's get this started. Karl who is the first suppository to the Leader of the Free World?"

Rove: "First, Supplicant, Mr. President. Not Suppository."

Dubya: "Supplicant? I just ate Karl."

Rove: "Yes, sir."

Dubya: "Bring 'em on!"

[Large metal doors slowly open, a bispectled well-dressed man enters]

Rove: "Jean-Claude Juncker, Prime Minister of Luxembourg."

Dubya: "Hee-Hee, I dub thee, 'The Yunkanator'. Hee hee. Go ahead, tiny country leader guy. Don't forget to kneel."

Rove: "And avert your eyes."

Juncker: [Kneeling and averting] "Yes. Sorry. How are you this morning, Mr. President?"

Dubya: "I am fine. Thanks for asking. Next."

Juncker: "I'm sorry, I was to talk about trade matters."

Dubya stares benovolently, but blankly.

Rove: "Yes, you know the deal, one question each. Move along."

Juncker: "But"

Dubya: "Next!"

On the other hand, wingnuts undoubtedly love it. A meeting with the President of the United States now has all the trappings of an audience with his Supreme Super-Galactical Uber Imperial Majesty.

Good luck there Emperor Palpatine.

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