Dear Herr Pope:
I'm a freshman at a small midwestern university and I never thought I'd be writing to you like this, but I just have to tell you about my experience one night.
I was in the basement of the dormitory doing my laundry and studying my, um, Bible, when suddenly, a raven-haired woman, about five-foot seven, and built like a brick shi...
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...and that's why I love Ranch Dressing so much.
Is that a mortal, or merely a venal sin?
Thanks, Holy Dude.