Saturday, January 29, 2005

Cheney Style Questions

Seems like we at the Rising Hegemon are not the only ones to question what Mr. Style was wearing during his ski holiday. While it is always nice to be among others who confirm your ideas, we still have to wonder what led Cheney to such poor choices in clothing for a solemn occasion.

So, to increase the understanding of our pal Dick we offer a few helpful suggestions:

1. Cheney is color blind. While this does not explain all of his dreadful choices, it does explain several suits and why the man seems to really like grey.

2. Cheney is an avid hiker. Right after the ceremony, Cheney and several of his dudes were going to do some extreme hiking. Kewl!

3. Cheney likes to stand out in a crowd. Why if everyone is wearing black, you should wear something flashy, something sexy, something to set yourself apart. Besides just because everyone is doing the same thing, say like following the Geneva Conventions, why should you? Be an individual.

4. Cheney hates black clothing. It reminds him of his imminent demise. And no one likes to be constantly aware of their own death.

5. Related to #4, the secret service with the backup generator and spare batteries for Mr. Cheney have to always be able to pick him out in a crowd.

6. Cheney is no lemming and he does what he wants to do, you got a problem with that punk?!

7. Bush picked out his clothes before he left because George has always though of himself as a "Fancyboy clothes dresser guy."

8. For the more conspiracy minded among us... Cheney secretly wants to die and get away from an administration that is grossly and stupidly destroying the enviornment, ruining the reputation of the U.S. abroad, ruining the economy, and -- most importantly of all -- will soon go after Krispy Kreme donuts and Cheney does not want to live in a world without Krispy Kreme... so he makes himself an obvious target for a sniper.

9. Cheney doesn't care what the Germans think because they did not support our personal vendetta against Saddam, oops, no... did not support our war against Iraq because of WMDs, damn it, no... did not support our war to bring freedom and liberty to the people of Iraq and eventually Iran, Syria, etc etc.

10. Lynne dressed him and he secretly (or maybe not so secretly) has lost her boyhood crush on Dick. Plus Lynne had just finished shopping at Aushwitz Eagle, Old German Navy, and Luftwapostal.

No comments: