Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Political 900 Number

From the AP:

President Bush discussed the upcoming Iraqi national elections on Tuesday with interim Iraqi Prime Minister Ayad Allawi, the latest in a series of consultations with Iraqi leaders ahead of Sunday's polling.

They talked about election preparations and "about how the election will be a historic moment for the Iraqi people," said White House spokesman Scott McClellan.


It was the sixth time that Bush has consulted with Iraqi leaders in recent days about the Jan. 30 elections.

Six times? I'm guess that is a half-dozen more times than he has talked to Colin Powell.

Six phone calls. I imagine it went something like this:

Secretary: "Mr. President, Ayad Allawi is on the phone"

Bush: *doodling* and speaking to himself, "Mrs. Condeleeza Bush...Condi Bush...heh heh...Bush...say that's my name!"

Secretary: (louder) "Mr. President"

Bush: (looking around) "You talking to me?"

Secretary: "Yes sir."

(Bush points to himself)

Secretary: "Mr. Cheney is at lunch with Satan sir."

Bush: "Oh"

Secretary: "Telephone for you sir."

Bush: "Who is it?"

Secretary: "Ayad Allawi sir"

Bush: (quizzical look)

Secretary: "The President of Iraq sir."

Bush: "Oh" (scrunches up face) "Again?"

Secretary: "Yes sir. On line 2 sir."

(Bush picks up phone)

Bush: "Fearless Leader here."

Allawi: "Mr. President, this is Ayad Allawi"

Bush: (rolling eyes but hiding annoyance with voice) "Well hello, uh, are you Chunky?...nice to speak to you again today."

Allawi: "Not so fine Mr. President, but I'm not Chunky, that's what you call Sharon."

Bush: "Nah, he's Kosher Deli now, you're Chunky from here on out...unless what I called you before was better. What was it?"

Allawi: "Six Shooter, Mr. President"

Bush: "Hey, that's pretty good, let's combine those two, from now on you're Chunky the Six Shooter. How is that?"

Allawi: "I prefer Ayad, Mr. President"

Bush: "Sure you would Chunky, but Chunky Six Shooter works better. Anyway, what do you want this time, um...(scratches forhead)...Chunky? Say, whatcha wearing?"

Allawi: "Huh? The same thing as this morning Mr. President...(voice breaks up)...I want OUT OF HERE. For the love of Allah and his prophet I want to leave. Please just let me leave, please, please Mr. President!"

Bush: "Now, now...uh...Chunky, freedom is on the march, now is no time to skiddadle and all that. Sauron, Condi, Grim Reaper and Lump all say things are getting better."

Allawi: "Who?"

Bush: "Oh, Dick and Condi, Don Rumsfeld and uh...Laura."

Allawi: (louder and more upset) "Mr. President, I want to leave, things are worse everyday, I've gotten some money out of the country and all and I've carried your water long enough, please, please let me leave."

Bush: (scratches head) "Well, I tell you Kosher Deli"

Allawi: "THAT'S SHARON!!"

Bush: "Right, right" (knocks on desk) "Did you hear that Chunky, I've got an important meeting to present Roger Aisles, Newt Gingrich, and Ollie North the Presidential Medal of Freeance so gotta run" (moves to hang up receiver)...remember Freedom is on the March, God ordains it and stuff."

Allawi: "PLEASE!!!!!" *click*

No comments: