Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Our Fickle and Dangerous Neighbor to the North

By Ann Coulter

Recently I had the unfortunate experience of being invited to go to the third-world backwater of Canada for the purposes of promoting my book, titled there "How to Talk to a Liberal, eh", and for judging the Saskatoon 'Chicks with Dicks' Parade. In preparing I did some research on the evil empire of socialized medicine that lies to our north.(1)

* Canada was originally settled by Satan worshipping sodomites who landed in Prince Edward Island seeking to sacrifice the souls of Viking settlers and eat their puppies.

* During the American Revolutionary War, the Canadians were traitors.

* During the American Civil War, the Canadians did not fight.

* President Wilson had to send the American Army into Canada in 1914 in search of evil filmmaker and revolutionary Pancho Mack Sennett.

* The Canadians fought in the First World War a long time before it became cool.

* Canada became a sovereign nation in 1977 when its independence was declared by Margaret Trudeau between lines of cocaine and dances with black men at Studio 54.

* From the time of Pierre Trudeau, all Canadian Prime Ministers have been cuckolded eunuchs.

* Hockey was invented in the Upper Pennisula of Michigan in the mid-1960s by the Iron River VFW. However, after a few Vietnam draft Dodgers fled through the Sault Ste. Marie wall, the socialist Canadians claimed it as their own.

* Canadian law makes it mandatory that mixed race couples fornicate.

* Brave defectors from Canadian socialist repression include Anne Murray, Wayne Gretzky and Lorne Green, the latter of whom set up a successful ranch in Wyoming next to Dick Cheney.

* Canadians, shortly after the second world war, established a repressive socialized medicine program that forced Pamela Anderson to come to the United States for breast implants.

* Canada gave troops to fight the Vietnam War, but won't admit it.

* Osama bin Laden's real name is Mario Lemieux.

* Canadian football fields are based on the communist influenced metric system.

(1) All of the documentation for these facts can be requested, I may be able to get around to answering them...but I'll have to get back to you.

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