Saturday, January 01, 2005

Grandma Bush's Humble Pie

"Mummy, mummy, we want some pie for dessert. We would ever so much like some pie mummy", the Bush clan from Kennebunkport, via Midland, used to sing at their matron.

She'll serve up a heapin' helpin' for you and your kinfolk. Goodness knows she has tamed the patron of the family and has raised several down-to-earth children. How have all these fine, upstanding citizens achieved that state of transcendence? Well we at Rising Hegemon were able to tear a bit out of the Bush manual on raising a family and what did we find? One recipe for Babs's own humble pie. Served up as cold and bitter as can be.

Babs puts on quite an air of regular galishness even though she is a colossal bitch. Trust us, you wouldn't want to have to spend two minutes with her unless you had to. So what is the secret of the family success? Well here, for your dining pleasure, is just a taste of what the Bush boys, George, Neil, Jeb amd the rest of them had to choke down. No wonder they are such accomplished assholes, their mummy didn't go the extra mile at dessert time.


According to Babs, you always start with the crust. She likes hers dense, "not like pastry chefs make." If the servants aren't around to go to the store to pick up a ready made pie crust, get a box of Bisquick then mix the following:

* 1 cup Bisquick
* 1/4 cup butter, room temperature
* 2 tablespoons boiling water

Stir vigorously until combined, freeze for a while then bake like 10 minutes. You've got a workable crust. It tastes a little like papier-mache but it is all the Bush kids got.

Then to to the cupboard and find some old canned cherry filling (the one that has been in there for a few years), open can, dump into crust. Stick finger in to see if sweet enough, or if the kids need to learn a lesson, whether it needs a little lemon juice (heh heh heh).

Put the concostion in the oven for 10 minutes or so at 400 degrees. Take out. Chill. Serve with all the indifference you can muster.

Does the portrait remind anyone of Karen Hughes?

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