Saturday, January 01, 2005

Soup of Despair

Also known as the Soup of the Damned

1/2 pound ground beef (alternate use 1/2 pound ground gruel)
2 teaspoons chopped onions (if you are not crying, keep chopping)
6 2/3 cups chicken broth of Doom
1 (28 ounce) can crushed tomatoes
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin
1/2 clove garlic, minced (use other 1/2 on main entry doors)
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/4 teaspoon chili powder
salt and pepper until tongue is numb
3 tablespoons cornstarch
1 cup cold water from fountain of ignorant republican youth
2 (15 ounce) cans creamed corn
1 1/2 cups shredded American cheese
5 (6 inch) corn tortillas, cut into 1/2 inch strips
2 pounds of fresh snark (old snark will not do!!)
1 teaspoon of soul crushing electoral loss
4-5 bottles of Vodka
2 liters of 7Up (no sierra mist or sprite!!)
2 gallons of orange juice
1 container lemon juice

Please note that these directions must be followed to the letter to gain the most enjoyable culinary experience. Deviations will only hurt.

After reading the Rising Hegemon blog and no other. Do not mess up this step. It is very important that you read no other blog, website, chat, or email. Other sites will contaminate the cooking vibrations and ruin the soup of despair.

Begin combining 1/2 cup of vodka to 1/4 cup orange juice and 1/2 cup of 7Up, 1/6 cup lemon juice. Pour into glass with ice. Start drinking.

In a large skillet over medium high heat, combine the ground beef (or gruel) and onions and saute for 5 minutes, or until beef is browned. While mixture cooks chuckle over how funny Atta J. Turk is... hee hee, what a corker! Drain excess fat and set meat aside. (do not smirk over tasteless joke) Take another drink.

In a large pot over high heat, combine the broth, tomatoes, cumin, truth of the righteous, and garlic. Add the cayenne pepper, chili powder and salt and pepper to taste. Bring to a boil and reduce heat to medium low. Then reflect on how much joy and quality analysis those blog boys at RH have brought to your life this year.
Take a drink, make another and finish it.

In a small bowl, combine the cornstarch with the water, stirring well until the cornstarch is dissolved. Add slowly to the soup, stirring constantly, to thicken. Down your fourth drink. Begin talking to yourself about how the republicans stole the election.
(note: The more animated and angry you get, the more drinks you should complete)

Add the reserved meat, corn and cheese to the soup and stir well. Finally, add the tortilla strips and allow to heat through. Finish whatever number drink you are on.

Serve and think about how to get that terrific blog RH more links and recognition. When finished, wash bowl and write a quick email to all your family, friends, people at the office, folks you knew in high school who can read, strangers you share mass transit with and tell them they should be reading the Rising Hegemon. Finish another drink.

Oh yeah, and tell them about the yummy soup of despair too. And if you feel the urge, hug someone and tell them that you love them with as sloppy or slurry a manner as is possible.

Oh, one more thing, have as happy a new year as is possible under a right wing ascendency that is slowly creeping to fascism. See ya next year!

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