Monday, April 04, 2005

For those of you wondering whether there are any limits on Gambling...

No there are not. Even when betting on God's ordained..."Upon this House of Ill Repute I will build my Church y'all!" The current betting odds on who will be the next Pope. I've enlisted ESPN Draft Expert Mel Kiper to assist us with some candidates.

The favorites:

Cardinal Francis Arinze, 11 to 4.

Mel Kiper's Scouting Report:

A conservative and dogmatic theologian, Arinze had an outstanding time on the 40 and was able to describe 17 ways in which Martin Luther was damned in that limited amount of time. Is considered to look great in White, and is known as a committed team player. His upside is considered substantial in the third world, with some concerns that established nations may not appreciate his dogmatism and unique skills.

Cardinal Dionigi Tettamanzi, 11 to 4.

Mel Kiper's Scouting Report:

Very successful in the major program of Milan, Cardinal Tettamanzi is known for his solid team leadership and availability to call audibles on matters of faith. Furthermore, his alma mater has a long pedigree of producing successful pontiffs, though on occasion they have been known to produce Popes more likely to be more "me" than team oriented. One item that is on his side is that while his upside potential may be limited, you know what you are getting and that is a strong person to hold the line against Protestant or Islamic blitzes.

And a real darkhorse candidate:

Cardinal Rodrigo Fang, 1,000 to 1

Mel Kiper's Scouting Report:

A key member of the theological program for the purity of the faith throughout Aragon, Cardinal Fang is known for his dogmatic purity and ability to convert heretics using two, no make that three methods. While some consider him a longshot, a lifetime of dedicated service, and calm, collected, piety makes him a Cardinal to keep one's eye upon.

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