Rising Hegemon
CM: President Lincoln shocks the assembled multitude at the dedication of a cemetery burying the heroes of Gettysburg with a speech of only a few minutes. Why so shockingly short and inappropriate? I'm Chris Matthews and on MSGAR (MicroSoft Grand Army of the Republic) and this is Hardminiball.
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Well, the President spoke here at the dedication of the new cemetery here in Gettysburg this morning, some four months after the battle in which some 50,000 men died, both from the Blue States and the
Tonight on Hardminiball we ask, was the President disrespectful of this assembly of heroes in not giving a more appropriate speech. Joining me tonight are our guests, Howard Fineman of Newsmonth, Joe Scarborough, former Congressman in the Confederate Congress and host of MSGAR's "Scarborough Plantation", and Ann Coulter, author of such books as "Abolitionists" and "Keep Your Hands off my Adams Apple AND my property".
First, though the speech wasn't long, we have broken it down into even smaller portions. Here is a part of President Lincoln's address, let's watch:
TRANSCRIPT:
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Ann, let's start with you, because you will simply yell over other people anyway and that is supposed to be my job, what did you think of that start?
ANN:
Well, clearly this is an outrageous and shrill start for this most incompetent and treasonous tool of abolitionists and misogynists that comprise the Lincoln Administration, and all Yankee politics. First, what the hell does Fourscore and Seven mean anyway? Is that the number of people that Abraham Lincoln has raped in the Presidential Mansion?
CM:
Ann, what are you talking about, that is insane…thanks because that is what we expect from you. But what possible evidence do you have that these events have happened.
ANN:
Chris, surely you have seen the stories in such reputable papers as the Washington Times? I mean there is much more to that paper than just writing articles about Revolutionary War locations. There are all sorts of stories told by me to people I will never divulge of wild mixed race sex-orgies taking place involving the President and his mulatto whore of a wife. Just look at the man, Chris, he is an incompetent backwoods buffoon drunken with power and his love for the darkies. Why, my hero, John C. Calhoun, would never have stood for such mixing as happens when Abraham Lincoln and his real-life master Frederick Douglas share the pleasures of White Virgins they steal from the beautiful farms of Virginia.
CM:
Okay, Okay, Ann. Look we all know that Frederick Douglas is a loose cannon that the Lincoln Administration cannot control and who spreads doctrines about the equality of the Negro. Howard Fineman, isn't it true that Frederick Douglas is a dangerous, radical, un-American man.
HOWARD:
Well, Chris he is obviously an embarrassment of a man for the Lincoln Administration.
CM:
Don't you mean an embarrassing 3/5ths of a man Howard?
HOWARD:
Yes, Chris, I'm sorry.
CM:
Joe, what are your thoughts?
JOE:
Well, Chris as you know I don't really have thoughts, but I did get this letter from the Davis Administration in Richmond by sent by courier two weeks ago and they say this:
Quote, the dangerous monstrosity that is Abraham Lincoln is surely the most dangerous flip-flopper that ever lived within the wall's of the white peoples house. For example, first he is against emancipation and now he is for it; then he is against war and now he is for it; then he wanted Robert E. Lee to have command, and now he wants Meade or Grant. Why in the Mexican-American War, Lincoln had the audacity to say the war was a mistake against the sainted President Polk, and now he claims he is entitled to lead the nation to war. The flipping and flopping never ends. Unquote.
Clearly, Lincoln is a man without a moral compass, other than what the black liberal Republicans tell him to do.
CM:
Okay, Okay, I think we all agree that the opening was weak and will be quickly forgotten, but let's look at another portion:
It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us–that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion–that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain–that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom–and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.
CM:
Okay, clearly not a particularly strong finish, in a speech that was both brief and plainly not very well thought out or meaningful. Wouldn't you agree Howard?
HOWARD:
Well Chris, I think that is certainly the way that the Administration is feeling tonight and I think you've hit it on the head that this speech will not scow the field so to speak
ANN:
Lincoln is INSANE! Look at the lousy, illogical, and poorly thought out word structure in that paragraph. But also look at the ideas within it that show just how dangerous and insane that darkie-loving sex fiend Abraham Lincoln is. By the way, remember the 87 rapes of white virgins he has also engaged in and how he killed several men with his bare hands. But Freedom? What does that have to do with America Chris? America is all about kickin' ass and invading those dangerous men of the North in Canada. Government should only be for some people, the darkies, and yes, the women too should not vote. In fact, only southern white men have the capacity to actually govern this country.
JOE:
Well, I have to agree with that.
CM:
So to summarize, we all agree that speech of President Lincoln was a colossal disappointment, as so much in his Administration is. OK, thanks for the three of you joining us. Coming up next on Hardminiball, Actor-Political Activist and Humanitarian, John Wilkes Booth will tell us about his new movie, "Two Minstrels go to White Castle" and his failed engagement to J-Lo, so stay tuned, you're watching Hardminiball.
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